Tuesday, August 31, 2010

What a week so far...

Well its been a few days since my last post and I am going through withdrawal... and no I have not burnt out yet, ha! Only been doing this for a few weeks so far and have lots to write about still.

But this weekend one of the computers I was working on, cleaning viruses and such, shut down my network because it was sending out spam for penis enlargement pills... yippee!

And then I had to fulfill my civic duty yesterday and quite possibly tomorrow as well, wont know until I call later in the day. So I will be trying to catch up on my comments and my posts in the next few hours while I have time.

So dont lose faith in me yet, I have some great stories to tell.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Co-workers... a rant

One of my co-workers pissed me off today, as he has so many times in the past, we have even nicknamed him the disgruntled employee or DE for short.

He took a task request from my group, something that we should not even be doing, and said that we would take care of it and then expected me to do it. He no longer works for my group, a group that I am in charge of.

What really bothered me was that he was complaining that he did not have enough billable hours a few months back and wanted some from our group which I gave him, but since then he has not done even a quarter of what we offered. This particular request came to him directly so he should have been doing this work...

He also promised them to have it after lunch, right when I take my workout break, so I had to move my schedule and he should have been the one doing the work.

I dont mind doing the work, I do mind the fact that he complains about the hours, gets a job, then passes it off on me.

Well after all, I guess he is the DE.

Happy Friday! At least I had a great workout and am looking forward to the weekend... I even worked out harder because I am going to the Olive Garden tonight for their never ending pasta bowls... yeehaw!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Its A Start (HNT)


I thought I would join the ranks and add a picture... of course not too revealing but that may change as time goes on...

Hope you enjoy it!

Happy HNT.

Check out Os for who else posted today!

HNTbutton

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Just received...

My wife just sent me this text...

"I swatted a wasp off my leg onto the ground and a big toad came up and ate it!"

Its definitely the little things that I appreciate about her... the fact that she would get excited about nature like that is what made me fall in love in the first place.

The Last Good Day

I was riding my motorcycle to work this morning, stuck in the all too familiar back to school traffic that now inhabits our streets and thinking about what to write about.

Most of my thinking is done on the 30 minute commute from my home to my work since I do not have a radio on my bike and did not like having earbuds in while trying to avoid the drivers that for some reason want to run me off the road. Despite the daily near-hits it is meditative to ride my motorcycle without music. I tend to get a lot of thinking done and it usually makes me feel so much better when I finally arrive at work or home, (most of the time home since no one really likes arriving to work.)

So today I thought when was the last good day I had with my wife...

There are glimmers of greatness in our relationship but they fade quickly. Our 5th wedding anniversary was an incredible night, we went all out with the pre-dinner drinks on the roof of one of the local restaurants over looking the harbor, dinner at a very expensive downtown seafood restaurant and dessert at a specialty coffee shop, we even had a baby-sitter something extremely rare for us. But the night ended in a fight when I tried to caress her thigh in the car on the way home.

She looked over at me, after one of the best dates we have had in the last 10 years and said dont expect sex... I mean really? It was our fifth wedding anniversary, if anything I would think we would have sex on that particular night. Nope, no sex on the big days, it is too stressful for her... no valentines day sex, no new years sex, no anniversary sex, no birthday sex... its the random leap day falling on a new moon during a cold spell and a west wind sex that we have.

Not that I really expected much else, I just thought that after something as special as the night we had we would end it on a really good note... but like always we end it feeling angry and I feeling defeated.

Our tenth anniversary was a complete non-event... not because we did not want to do something, it has just been so difficult to take care of the simple things that allow us a night to ourselves with enough money to go out to eat. We still plan on celebrating and will when we can get a sitter, but it has already been a month and we have not planned anything yet.

Even a few years back what I thought was a great weekend we had was just because she had finished off her bottle of Xanax and does not even remember the sex that we had. I should have known something was up when she seemed a little too horny, but I did not notice anything until she started slurring her words and I began to ask her some questions.

We have had small breakthroughs, late night swimming at the pool concluded with sex in the daughters bed while she slept all alone in our big bed... And it was great sex, the best that I have had in the last few years with her... probably the inhibition that the alcohol caused but needless to say it was a great time. Not just our normal get her to climax and then finish with a good missionary style that lasts maybe five minutes (I dont mind those either) but we had a good hours worth of hot heavy sex.

My favorite thing has always been giving oral sex, and she seems to enjoy it when I do but its been a long time since I went down on her...

I should note that I do not judge the last good day with one that ends with sex, but it does help define a good day for our relationship. I would also consider a good day one where we fall asleep in each others arms, or one that does not end in a fight. We dont fight all that often but it is also a rarity that we fall asleep in each others arms.

So when was the last good day... Probably before we moved here.. and even then I can not remember. I know we have had many, but they are few and far between.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Well I Did It. (100 Things)

And I thought it was going to be impossible but I finally finished my 100 things...

The first 40 were easy, the second 40 were slightly difficult, the last 20 I really had no idea what to write about without getting deeply personal. I know you probably want me to get deeply personal but I do not want to reveal too much about myself while still trying to remain somewhat more private.

Not that I dont mind the transparency, its just that I dont think my employer would appreciate what I write about so I have to keep my life, this life, somewhat private.

That is not to say that I wont reveal some of my more private details to many of you, I am just saying that I am not that comfortable doing it yet. And maybe only in chats or emails for that matter.

If any of you ever have any question you would like to ask me please feel free to do so, I will answer as best as I can.

So please enjoy my 100 things... I loaded it as one of my pages instead of doing a separate post about it... so you will have to click the link in my navigation bar.

Monday, August 23, 2010

A Humbling Thank You.

I wanted to make sure that I thanked the folks that have been visiting and are now following my site, I know I am new here but everyone has made me feel so comfortable with the way things work I already feel part of the community.

I wanted to thank Beryl and Minority Report for mentioning me and definitely making me feel welcome. ;)

I hope that you will continue to visit and find my posts interesting. Please if anyone wants to know anything about me just ask. Beryl did request that one of my next posts be about me and I will do that, just not sure how to start it. Was thinking I may do the 100 thing post but that seems like a lot of things to come up with.

Anyway, I will probably be participating in a lot more things as I become more comfortable with the things that I write about and the people that are reading them.

Take care and thanks...

On the Subject of Grooming

I spent most of my day cleaning on Sunday, pretty typical, and seeing that I had not cut my hair in a few weeks I decided to clean myself up a bit too.

A few months ago I bought a grooming kit from Amazon because I was getting tired of paying 14 dollars for a haircut that I could pretty much do myself. I have been keeping my hair short since it is so hot here in the south during the summer.

So after cleaning the shower out, and believe me when I say that I felt like I was living in a bachelor pad the way the shower looked, I got to work on my hair. This time though I decide to groom some other parts too. I locked the door, stripped down and proceeding to give myself a haircut. Besides its better to do it naked because I hate getting hair caught in my clothes.

When I was finished with my head, I oiled up the blades and went to work on my pubic area. Now I am not that hairy but I do have a lot of dark hair on my chest and pubic region, so it definitely needed a little grooming. Previously I would trim with some scissors but this time I clipped it really short. Although I was tempted to shave it completely I was not sure how it would feel or look and with my wife not knowing what I was doing, I thought she may wonder why and think I was doing it for someone else.

Needless to say I like the look and feel. I do find it funny that I was catching up on some of my reading and find a post from Bella directing me to this post... at the Emancipation of Babe Lincoln which talks of Brazilian Wax... of course I dont think I will wax maybe in the future I will shave.

I guess what I am wondering, before I go any further, is what do the women prefer? I know most would rather at the very least that men trim, which I do on a fairly regular basis. But should I go the distance and shave completely?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Touch -- Part 2

(Part 1 Here)

Breathing heavy, she replied a simple "yes," that was probably all that she could get out.

I could feel her wetness on my fingers and moved closer to her as I lifter her leg up off of the bed and slipped mine under hers. I quickly pulled off my boxers and moved my body up more until I was in contact with her.

At this point my body was aching so badly and I was not sure how long I would last. I inched closer and felt my cock on her lips, as I reached around and teased her with it, moving it up and down careful not to penetrate yet.

She was incredibly sensitive at this point and she was moaning again. I pushed the head in just enough and pulled it back out, this usually drives her crazy and she meets me with a thrust, but tonight she seemed a little tired from the foreplay. I leaned back and grabbed her shoulder and with one big push I slide it all the way in. I sat there for a second and just felt the warmth of her body on mine.

My fingers reached for her clit again and went back to work as she writhed under my touch. Picking up the pace I pushed harder and harder into her, her breasts were moving now with every thrust.

I love the way her breasts move when I am having sex with her. She has great breasts and love to rub her nipples as they move. Sensing that I was getting close, I slowed down. Pulling my head almost all the way out before thrusting it back in. My arm reached under her knees and pulled her legs up in the air as I started thrusting harder again.

Quickly, I moved around the bed trying to keep my cock inside her as I did so and moved my body above her. Sweat was pouring off of my face now as I was my pace was fast.

Harder and faster I pushed getting really close to my orgasm, but trying not to cum just yet. I wanted this to last as long as I could take it. She was moaning loudly now and moving her hips up to meet me.

My body tensed and I could feel I was at the verge. With one quick thrust I pushed inside her and came deep insider her. I kept going as long as I could but felt myself getting softer with each thrust. I stopped and looked down at her and saw she was happy.

Later that night I was lying on my back with her next to me and an arm on my chest. I put my mouth down on her head and kissed her hair and she fell asleep. I thought maybe in the morning we could do that again. Of course it was already 1:00 am and I knew the morning was coming quickly.

Saturday Night

Been thinking about trying to finish my story from yesterday since the party we were invited to was canceled.

The hostess is sick, so the get together was postponed. It would have been a fun time, drinking and eating with friends.

Today actually turned into a pretty good day...

I woke up to go to 'Boot Camp' at my local Y, but they had tryouts for the little kids football and the field we normally use was taken. We ended up going on the playground which seemed strange at first and was strange but the instructors had us do some different things that turned out to be fun... Of course climbing the rope ladder and sliding down the pole did not really do much for my fitness but it was fun to watch. The female instructor did comment about pole dancing on it and tried to get her legs high enough on the pole, which gave us all a laugh.

Then I cleaned the car which was a mess after bringing our dog to the vet yesterday and he left half of his coat on the seats... Note to all the dog lovers out there, huskies dont like the south all that much.

All this happened before 9 am. Then I cooked breakfast for my daughter and wife and took my daughter to karate...

After karate I had to fix a computer at a clients house which was not expected, and come home to a plumbing problem that I bought the wrong part for... so back off to the store and home again to install the right part and it worked... my toilet still leaks but at least the valve will now shut off the water so I can fix it without having to shut off the main valve.

After that, I cooked lunch and got the bad news about the party, then settled down finally to try to read the latest book I have...

So despite all that I had to do (I feel like I accomplished a lot) I am very happy. I still have laundry to do and some minor kitchen cleanup, oh and dinner to cook... but those are normal Saturday routines.

Now maybe I can finish the rest of my story.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Touch -- (part 1)

Not sure why I am on this one word title kick but oh well...

I glance quickly over at the red glow of the alarm clock, 12:15. The room is dark and quiet except for the whirring of the ceiling fan. I am horny and already hard but I do not want to wake her up too quickly.

Slowly I move my hand to her back between her shoulder blades. I move just my fingers at first over the fabric of her shirt, caressing and circling. She stirs slightly to my touch as I start to move my hand over her back. Sliding her shirt up, I put my hand underneath the fabric and move it gently around her back, teasing the hairs as I move up.

She is fully awake now and moans quietly as she says, "that feels good." I move closer now, since she has been awakened and I no longer have to worry about moving too quickly. My hand tickles her hairs on her spine as I move it down to the small of her back, pausing briefly there and circling my thumb. My head is at the base of her neck breathing softly on her back, I am hard now but do not want to rush it.

Gently, slowly I move my hands down to the curve of her hip placing my index finger just inside her pajama bottoms and inch toward her stomach. I love her curves, she has always had an incredible shape. Her stomach is soft to my touch and her body moves quickly away from the sensitivity of my fingers. Moving slowly up her stomach I pause just below her breast and then circle my fingers back to her shoulders. I repeat the motion as she leans closer to me, wanting me to touch her nipple. I tease, pausing again below her breast and bringing my hand to her back again.

The next time my fingers brush her nipple and she lets out a slow moan as her nipple hardens to my touch. My body aches in anticipation but I am still not done teasing her.

My fingers massage her nipple as my hand caresses her breast moving from one to the other. I move my hand down her body and again into her pajama bottoms this time going a little deeper feeling the patch of hair just above her clit. She smiles and asks me "what are you doing?" I don't respond but move my hand closer as my fingers touch her labia. She spreads her legs slightly and I notice she is extremely wet. Teasingly, I bring my hand back up and out of her bottoms and circle around to her back again.

I can tell now that there is a good chance we are going to have sex (there are times when she resists and I end up going back to bed) so this time I pull her shirt up and over her head. I slide my legs around her until I am on top and looking down onto her dimly lit face. I move in to kiss her and as I do so I slowly move to the other side of her to give my right hand better access.

In a quick motion I pull her bottoms off and she helps kick them off of the bed. She is fully naked now and I can just make out the curves of her body in the dimly lit room. I move my hand back down to her clit and slowly massage it. I lubricate my fingers with her wetness and gradually pick up the pace. I can hear her moan louder now and her body stiffens slightly. Faster, I move my fingers, I hear her cry out "don't stop." I can feel her body respond to my touch, she is shaking but I can tell she has not reached orgasm yet.

She is close, her breathing increases. Moving her hips to meet my fingers, I reach my free hand up and touch her nipple. Moving my head closer I touch my tongue to her breast taking her nipple in my mouth and sucking. Her body begins to rise off the body as my hand is moving as fast as I can make it. I can feel her holding her breath. She lets out one long gasp and her hips collapse back on the bed. I move my head from nipple and ask her, did you cum?

(I will post the rest of this story tonight or tomorrow depending on the time)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Wonder

I wonder sometimes...

How do I reach out to her again?

If I start telling her I love her, more often, will she wonder if something else is going on?

Is there hope for our marraige?

Is there hope for our sex life?

Can I be the romantic I once was without it being awkward as it has been the past few times I have tried?

    ... and then I think, its only the depression, and we can work through all of these issues... but she needs to get better first ...

I see hope in other people's lives ... hope for her ... hope for her to heal ... hope for us to be the couple we once were  ... but

I'm tired.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Obsession

A few years ago I gained a lot of weight, almost 40 lbs in just over six months... I had just recently taken a new job in a new city and had new friends. Friends that go out to eat every single day and they go for the buffets and the fried food. But starting just over two years ago I decided I needed to change.

We had already joined the gym but mainly to get the day care benefits that it offered. As a joining bonus you could have 6 sessions with the trainer. Now I have always been an athlete. Played sports every season in high school, went on to college on a scholarship to play.. spent most of my adult life in the outdoors either skiing, mountain biking or hiking. But now I was not exercising much at all.

Quickly I got frustrated with the fact that I was so overweight, and that began the obsession. It started slowly, doing the same routines I was in college, weight lifting mainly. I lost almost all the weight that I gained but I was still determined. I wanted to have 12 percent or less body fat. For a guy my height and weight that was a tough goal but I thought it cant be that bad. So I tried, started running more, eating less and working out with a routine that I enjoyed. Then I went to the trainer to check my body fat.

I went from a high of 253lbs to 225lbs and my body fat went from 21 to 18. I was happy but not very.

I felt great, had some good muscle definition, could start to see my abs, pants were fitting better, but I was still a long way away from my goal.

Of course I never weighed less than 205 even at the height of my athletic career I was 6'2" and 205 lbs, but I could lift a lot of weight and spent most of my time working on getting better at sports.

So I asked the trainer what am I doing wrong... she began that 18 percent was good for a man my age, (I didnt want to be compared to a man my age) that I was doing well but maybe I needed to change my diet, so in walks the german drill instructor of a trainer and the other trainer asked her what she suggested... well after the german explained to me that I was not working out enough, (it was the 6 days a week for an hour each day) it was how I was doing it.. not enough cardio... and my diet sucked, very little protein, not enough fat.. so that day I changed.

The wife was away so I started eating healthy, greek yogurt, oatmeal (even though I hated oatmeal) apples and peanut butter... virtually eliminated bread and pasta, added more fish and veggies, more rice, etc.. and I started running more, 3 miles every other day basically, well needless to say I lost another 12lbs... and since then I am between 210 and 212. I have not been back to check my fat percentage, I am a little scared it is not what I want it to be...

But now the obsession is worse. If you have all seen Blade Trinity then you would have seen the transformation Ryan Reynolds went through from Van Wilder to his vampire hunting 8-pack ab body... and that is what I am trying to do. Although I dont have the time to work out like he did but I am going to try... my goal was 205 but now I want to see if I can get below 10 in body fat, maybe not the 3 that Reynolds acheived but I am not stop when I hit 10...

Do I have a problem or is it a healthy obsession? Some have said that I need to slow down, but I feel great, and its not entirely affect other parts of my life... well if any one is reading this blog, what do you think?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Dealing with Insecurities

So we had a kid's birthday party to go to on Saturday night, however the invitation indicated that adults were welcome to come and to bring your own. That being said we originally had no intention of going with alcohol since neither of us drink very much anymore. In fact with all the medications that my wife is on she does not drink at all.

Well the party started at 5:30 and our child was wanting to go as soon as the clock turned 5, so we gathered our things and headed out the door. The weather was far from perfect but I resigned myself to making the best of it and although it was a pool party decided not to bring my suit. It was in our neighborhood so I could always go back and get it if I needed to.

Arriving at the party we realized that we were probably the only ones that did not bring either a bathing suit or liquor, but we were there and I did not feel like leaving just yet. So we sat as we always do at a table somewhat by ourselves. Now, I am the social one. I can enter a room not knowing anyone and leave the room with a hundred friends, my wife on the other hand is content to sit in the corner and not talk with anyone. Its not that she does not have a good time, its just she is more comfortable being by herself. A lot of it has to do with her insecurities.

I talked with her about the party, the weather, anything to keep the conversation going... somedays she can talk my ear off but when we are out in public she is quiet. It was raining slightly and the humidity was unbearable so I said I might go back and get my suit, she said kinda with a smile, so you can leave me here by myself... so I stayed for a little longer.

The humidity ultimately became too much so I went back home a put on my suit, and of course I went back out to the store and bought a few beers. I figured if I was going to swim I might as well have a few beers too. When I returned she was still sitting there but at a different table where there were more people but she was just watching the water, not really talking.

I quickly went into the pool and left her there to hopefully open up to the other people at the table. That did not happen right away but as the night wore on and the drinks were flowing people started opening up to her.

I am not sure why she has such a hard time talking with people. I know she has insecurities, but she is such a great soul. She is very nice and always has something to talk about, but she does not like talking with other people. She has problems with her self image, problems with her depression, problems with dealing with other people, but when she finally does, she has a great time.

Its the same as sex with us, she can not open up to me, but when she does she enjoys it immensely. She told me once that she has fear of intimacy. She would rather have sex with someone she does not love than have intimate relations with someone she does. Much of this comes from her childhood and she is in therapy for it but I am not sure how to help her through these issues.

Any suggestions from the net?

Needless to say we had a great time on Saturday and I met some new potential friends, and she did open up, although we did not have sex... but that may come soon. We did have sex over the summer so at least its only been a few months.

Friends

Ever since we moved to the south I have been struggling with maintaining a lasting friendship. I have friends through work but none of them have any of the same interests as me. I stopped going to bars a few years ago and am now into a completely healthy living routine.

The weekends are mostly sitting around the house watching TV or movies or working on the computer and I have been longing for other people to hang out with. Part of the problem is my wife is extremely insecure at first and does not do well in social settings, as I will talk about in a different post. So we spend most of our time on the couch or she is on her facebook page.

Last spring I spent some time with one of my players families, I coach a high school sports team, but they moved back up north. I do hang out with one of my assistant coaches but he is much younger than I am and does all the things a younger person would do.

Of course I do not really act my age most of the time but sometimes its nice to have conversations about books or other things that I find interesting.

This weekend, however, I may have met some people that I will hopefully be hanging out with in the future. The events would center around college football, and while I may not be the biggest fan, living in the south you have to watch it and be able to converse about it. The greatest thing about this is the fact that they all live in the same neighborhood so driving home will not be a problem... we can all stumble down the streets to our homes and not worry at all about getting behind the wheel.

So hopefully this will work out, I have a few weeks before the start of the college season but I am definitely looking forward to it.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Somedays

I used to be a romantic, of course there was that one time that I ran over the box of chocolates that my gf put on my car, but I swear that I did not know they were there.

I bought flowers just because rather than for an occasion. I was more of the guy that would bring one red rose, not because I could not afford more, but rather I always thought that it meant more because I would do it just because I felt like it. I would always get cards and go for walks and do things that I found chivalrous like open doors, offer her my jacket, offer my arm when walking, etc. I even asked my wife's father for her hand in marriage before I even came close to proposing to her... of course he wanted to shoot me in the foot but that is another story.

These days though my life has become so complicated and our relationship is so strange that I find it hard to be romantic. Somedays I try to think of things to do to make us closer, but it always becomes a fiasco and maybe that is what life is now. Our tenth anniversary passed by without so much as a dinner date.. I had planned to buy a photo album that my child was going to decorate with pieces of tin and we were going to put ten years of photos into it but that never happened and so we still have yet to celebrate.

Now if I do something that she finds romantic she thinks its just a ploy to have sex... not that I wouldn't want to have sex but that is never my intention when I do it, so now I tend to avoid it for fear that it is going to cause those feelings and make her feel more depressed.

I tried to do some fun things last year with her, flower peddles on the bed that my child helped spread out, some notes left around the house telling her I love her that sort of thing but it seems that they are so few and far between that the meaning is lost shortly after.

She does send me things that remind her of hearts from time to time, that is the extent of her telling me that she loves me...

But somedays I wish we had more.