Friday, January 14, 2011

Understanding

The holidays are always a rough time for me. Especially the last few years. Last year I lost a very good friend in January and the year before my mom was very sick over the holidays and ultimately passed on in March. But that is only a small part of what really bothers me about the holidays.

I thought this year was going to be a better one, because it was the first that I did not have to work a second job. Although we are still struggling financially like almost everyone I know we have been able to keep our budget in check and have made it through without having to rely on extra income.

But of course things were the same as always. It starts in November on my birthday and pretty much lasts through January. This year I was extremely busy with other aspects of my life and had a harder time finding peace and quiet for myself. My job was crazy, my computer work was non-stop and my family was pulling me every which way possible.

It did not help that we ended up adding three new stray dogs to our family, which has been a whole different issue in itself. Maybe it is because of the new stress that this year seems to be worse then usual and my depression is really starting to take a toll on my life. Usually mid-January I am looking towards the spring and a happier time but this year I can not see anything more than tomorrow.

My wife and I have not been getting along at all, and I am getting really upset with the way things are with my daughter and I. Not just upset but I blow up at the smallest little thing now, something that I did only occasionally in the past.

It has shown in the amount that I have posted on here, it shows up in the work that I am doing, and in the time that I spend with my family. I have been retreating, much more then usual. The only good thing is that I recognize it and am trying to get a grip on it before it takes hold permanently. At least I have still been keeping up with my physical fitness and I know that has been helping my mental state.

I am starting to see things getting slightly better, but I know now that I have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of relationships to mend and a lot of situations to finally take control over. Hopefully by the end of this month things will at least resemble normal, but I think it is going to take a lot more time then that.

6 comments:

  1. Stress can put a lot of strain on relationships.. ( not to mention financial stuff )
    I can relate to the retreating, it's something I do too. Don't be too hard on yourself.

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  2. Hang in there and yes, don't be too hard on yourself. Relationships involve 2 people that have to work together. The boss said something today that was really simple but really true "change what you can, accept what you can't".

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  3. I'm sure you know that this time of year is tough on the emotions. If it's sunny out, try to get some of that sunshine inside you by going for a walk. Relationships ARE hard but I don't get why. I think love is easy.

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  4. I was wondering the other day how you were. Sometimes retreating for awhile is necessary in order to make yourself available to fully engage back into your relationship.

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  5. you know there is a real thing called SAD, alot of ppl go thru it during the winter months,something about less sunlight exposure.
    hang in there good friend.
    the month is almost over and hopefully spring will be here soon.

    miss you

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  6. Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time.
    I was actually thinking the same thing that Cat wrote.
    But there's nothing wrong with retreating once and a while.
    Hope things look up soon.

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