Wednesday, March 23, 2011

HNT Body Post

Well I pretty much met my goal weight, 204. So now I just want to tone a little more... what do you all think?

My personal opinion, I want to work on my shoulders and arms a bit more but I am happy with the overall appearance...


Finally a Little Enjoyment

"Jeff thinks the issue with my libido is early onset menopause," was the text I received while was traveling to my next game. Jeff is my wife's wonderful therapist, who she sees pretty much every other week. I replied "you're too young for that, but does that mean you are still horny?" My brain is always in the right state of mind.
"Maybe..." was all that I got back and of course I told her I would be home as soon as I can. Not that I was desperate or anything, our last time was actually a week ago but it was brief and on a Sunday night, and was the first in almost a year. So I was looking forward to a Saturday night home alone with my wife.
Our game did not end until 5 and it was over a 2 hour drive from my home but of course I made it back in record time. We decided to eat in and watch a movie that she had rented the night before. We sat on the couch with her legs resting over my lap and my hand caressing her thighs. We both knew what was going to happen and the anticipation was incredible.

I slowly moved my hand under her loose fitting pants and moved it up and down her bare skin careful not to go above the thigh at this point. As the movie wound down I moved a little closer straightening out her leg for a little easier access.
With the credits rolling I decided to push my fingers all the way up her leg just brushing her labia gently. She let out a little moan and smiled. She was already wet.
At that point I made the comment that we should make our way to the bedroom. I wanted the night to last so I asked her if she wanted a massage. She of course said yes and I brought out the oil and a towel and had her lay down on the bed. We were still fully clothed so I lifted her shirt up and slid her pants down a bit to provide access to her bare skin to apply the oil.
Caressing her back I moved slowly down to her waist and slid her pants down further to work her butt. Deciding it was time, I removed her pants and she took her shirt off completely. My hands worked all the kinks out of her thighs and feet, as I made my way back up her body to her ass. Applying more oil I massaged her cheeks one at a time until they were glistening and slippery.
I asked her to turn over which she quickly obliged and went to work on her stomach and chest pausing to circle her nipples. My hands worked back down to her thigh as I slid one hand up to her pussy. She moaned loudly now and spread her legs slightly. My hand quickly found her clit and I began a slow rub, circling with my fingers.
Right there.. she said... Dont stop.
As she now moved her hips to my circling I brought my mouth down to her pussy and ran my tongue up and down her clit. This sent her over the edge and I slid a finger into her as my her hand spread her labia for my tongue to lick her clit. Soon she was bucking wildly grabbing my head and forcing me harder into her. Then she stopped and shuddered for a few seconds as she reached orgasm.
I sat up and positioned myself between her legs and teased her with my cock for a few seconds before slipping it into her wet pussy. Slowly I pushed in and out of her increasing the speed slightly with each thrust until I was pumping into her hard. I did not want to come fast so I slowed back down and teased her with my cock again until I was ready to start the thrusting again.
She grabbed my back and her fingers dug into my skin as I quickened the pace again. Finally I told her I was about to come and pulled out of her right as I climaxed. Amazingly I do not think I have ejaculated so much in quite some time and while I hate having to do what I did, she has been off the birth control for several months now.
After we both got cleaned up and gathered our scattered clothing we laid back down on the bed and cuddled, something we rarely do.
Later on in the night I reached over and put my hand around her and fell asleep.
I think the talk about finding my happiness and working out our issues was a good one...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What Happiness Means to Me

The lights were off in the bedroom as I walked in. She was laying there on the bed in the fetal position much like she always does when she is upset about something.
We had a fight, not much of one in our standards but it was still something that we disagreed about. She was still upset that I did not know that her actions were actually flirting and she wanted to have sex. She now thinks that I am no longer attracted to her, but that is not really what the fight was about.
We talked a few weeks ago about divorce, but neither of us really want that to happen and that is why we talked about it. It was more of whether it would happen or what the alternatives were to making the relationship work. This is where the disagreement lies. She thinks that much of what happens in our relationship is my fault. Not in the sense that I cause the problems but more in the sense that I am not willing to try to address the issues we have. I feel that she has to start feeling better about herself before our relationship will get any better.
"I already know what I want," were her words to me when we started talking about the fight in the bedroom. "You need to figure out why you act the way you do." She said.
"I've just been so unhappy with everything," I replied to her. Is that actually true? I was trying to think about all that has been going on lately and there are few things that I have been happy about. Even what has made me happy in the past really does not do much for me now. Am I feeling the depression from the winter still? Or am I really unhappy with things?
So I started to think about all the things that make me happy and what I have left in my life here, and am realizing that much of those things are gone.
Can I find happiness with other things, or will I be just going through the motions?
I have alluded to some of the issues in the past on this blog, and a lot of it comes from the fact that I do not have many friends here. I have a few that I consider friends but few like the ones I left out west where we used to live.
We are going to an oyster roast this weekend to help one of the local pet shelters in the area and we are both looking forward to that. We may actually be childless which would even make it better. I am not expecting to make any new friends at this event but just being social will be a nice thing.
It is also her birthday next week and we always seem to have a nice time for birthdays, so we shall see.
The conversation ended with us agreeing to try to figure things out. Me with trying to find happiness and her agreeing to help out more around the house, which will relieve much of the stress that I feel coming into a messy cluttered house.

That was a few weeks ago and things seem to be a bit better... at least we had sex again but that is for a different post.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

A Love Supreme

At some point in everyone's life we are moved by something. Moved to the point where we become obsessed with the object, whether it is music, literature, a painting etc. We feel for an instance that whatever this object is it speaks directly to me.

For me that object or obsession is John Coltrane, A Love Supreme. I first heard the record in college, when I really had no idea what Jazz was and quickly became intrigued. It was this album that inspired me to go head first into Jazz and spend the next few years persuading others to follow. It is also this album that I turn to in trying times and it helps me get my head around things.

At first I tend to lose myself in the saxophone solos, then the amazing piano playing brings me back to reality and sends chills through my spine. I know it sounds a little cliched but I feel alive when I listen to this, so when I am most depressed this makes me realize what I cherish in life.

It is said that Coltrane would meditate during his solos. He would find a religious awakening in the instrument as he mastered it's sound. There are some solos on this album that were his best meditations, where he pushed the range of the saxophone to a higher level. These are the solos that really move me.

Of course it was also my best friend who introduced me to this album. The one that I mentioned on the blog several times, yes the one that died last year. He was an inspiration to me and I love him for that, and I do not get saddened when I think about that aspect of our relationship.

I have inspired others with this album as he has me. Many of my friends from college still comment on how I started them listening to Jazz, and I hope that I can pass on this inspiration to others including my daughter.

If you have some time find a copy of A Love Supreme sit back and listen, it is truly an incredible album.