Thursday, November 17, 2011

Opening Up On a Long Hidden Memory

In light of all these reports on child sexual abuse, I want to share something from my past that very few people know about. I am not even sure if I have ever told my wife about this, but this is a good opportunity to talk about it.

Warning to those readers, this story talks essentially about child rape, so if its a sensitive issue for you please do not read any further.

The details of what happened are very vague, it only happened once and it happened so quickly I can not remember everything. I believe I was in the fourth grade, I am trying to date some of the other things that happened at the time so I can remember exactly how old I was.

We were playing with some friends over my neighbors house. The usually things a fourth grader would be doing, hide and seek, man hunt etc. There was an older boy that had been wandering around and watching us from the street. We just started to play another round of man hunt and I was the one that was it. So everyone ran and I closed my eyes.

When I counted to 20 I opened them and started looking for my friends. The older boy called me over and told me to follow him, he knew where some of the kids had hid, so I did. We lived across the street from a wooded area with a pond. I followed him along the side of the pond and then he turned around holding a knife.

He asked me what I thought of the knife and told me that I would have to do anything he said or he would cut me. Looking back now I realized it was a small knife and I probably should have just ran but back then I had no idea what to do.

He told me he wanted me to lick his cock, I am not sure how I felt at that point since it was so long ago, but I was scared. He pulled down his pants and put his penis in front of my face and told me to kiss it. I stepped back but he grabbed me and told me again. So I kissed it. He told me to get down on my knees and he sat down in front of me. He then told me to put it in my mouth. I started crying at this point and he just forced my head down.

I gagged as I felt his penis hit the back of my throat and cried again that I couldn't do it. He pushed once more and this time I was really crying, so he just stopped and got up. He pulled his pants up and told me to close my eyes and count to 100, so I did. I could hear him running through the woods and when I stopped counting I opened my eyes and he was gone.

I ran out of the woods and back to my friends house. They were all wondering what happened to me since the game was obviously over and I had not found any of them. I told them I was over by the pond and was bored with the game. I looked back to see if the older boy was around but he had left.

At one point I tried to tell my parents about it but I did not want anyone to know. I was not scared that he would find me but more scared of what people would think about me.

I am not ashamed about what happened, I don't feel guilt anymore. I do not think I have any lasting psychological problems from it, although I have never been analysed in that way. It only happened once and I never did see the kid again. Writing this now has not unearthed any ill feelings, but I did want to share how I felt seeing all the issues we are facing in the news these days.

I know how I felt at the time, I was a scared little kid. I can imagine how these other victims felt and how vile the people are that prey on these kids. A child molester is one of the worst types of criminal, they are heartless and selfish and despite what they say or think, they do not love children.

4 comments:

  1. Sorry to read you had that experience as a young boy. So many bad people in this world.

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  2. Hugs for you and hopefully jail for the molesters. I hear that even hardened criminals will beat the shit out of these kinds of offenders.

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  3. It's good to know that the re-telling didn't hurt you again. Child molesters and animal abusers are things I'll never understand. They are just scum.

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  4. Thanks for the support... it really was a long time ago. I appreciate all your comments.

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