Blue Eyed Bader

I have a confession to make. More like a realization that I have come to terms with. Before starting this blog, I was looking for some sort of outlet for my desires. I thought that with all the issues that I have been having with my marriage that maybe an affair would be what I wanted, although I could never bring myself to cheat. And that is the realization that I had. No matter what I do online, searching for porn, posting the Ashley Madison ad, browsing Craigslist, it is no more then curiosity and maybe trying to make myself feel good. What my relationship is lacking mainly is the lack of compliments from my spouse, and good sex, but that is a different post. My wife has low self esteem and she feels that if she is complimenting me that she will feel bad herself. I spent the last two years getting in shape, not because I want a compliment but it helps to have her acknowledge that I look good. That is what drives me to peruse the online ads and think about some sort of affair.

I had the feeling that she wanted to talk. That she was wondering what our future held for our family. My job has been talking about moving me out to Colorado since our contract ended a few months back. I have a few major projects to work on before they make a decision but for now I work from home. The issue is that things are moving forward with my career yet there are a lot of decisions the company has to make before everything can happen. Things like cost of relocation, pay rate increase for cost of living, whether the move will be the right step for both the company and myself. So it is not a decision that will be taken lightly. And of course my family is somewhat in limbo. We all want to make the move, we never did like the south all that much and its way too hot for my taste. I always preferred the snow anyway so it makes sense to move again. That night though all I wanted to do was sleep. My allergies were acting up and I had taken a bunch of medicine. I tried to talk to