Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A Morning Surprise

A soft growl woke me as the light began to stream through the shades.

"Sasha," I said, "go back to sleep."

She looked up at me from the edge of the bed and growled again.

"Fuck, it's too early to take you out."

Seeing that the light had just started streaming through the shades I knew it was before six.

Sasha stood up wagged her tail and stretched always looking cute in that way. Of course I dragged my feet out of bed and stood up, still trying to steady myself on sleepy legs.

I pulled my shorts and shirt on and grabbed my sandals as I headed for the door. The dogs sensing that they were going outside started barking and jumping around. I put on their leashes and headed outside.

After a few minutes and the dogs doing their business I was back up the stairs and into the apartment. At that time I was thinking maybe we could have sex this morning, it was still early and I could go back to bed, my wife is not working yet so I thought this would be perfect.

So I pulled off my shorts and shirt and climbed back into bed. Immediately I went over to her and put my arm around her caressing her side since she was now on her back. My hands moved across her stomach and gently tickled her skin.

She responding slightly to my touch and then asked if I could tickle her back, a favorite for her relaxation.

So she flipped over and I pulled her shirt up so that I could softly touch her back.

My hand moved along her back and under her shorts feeling the soft curves of her butt.

When she did not respond with her normal, "what are you doing?" I pulled at the waistband of her shorts allowing me better access.

Leaning over her body I kissed her on the neck and pulled her closer to me in an attempt to bring her over onto her back. She turned over as my hand went under her shirt and touched the underside of her breast moving closer to her nipple.

She smiled, a soft smile, still laden with sleep.

My fingers touched her nipples and she did not protest. I kissed her cheek and moved over top of her, pulling her shorts off as I did.

Brushing the inside of her thigh with my hand, my fingers slowly made it down to her pussy and started rubbing her clit. "Be gentle," she said, "I am really sensitive."

Slowly I rubbed her clit. "Maybe we should just have sex?" She said. "I don't think I will come otherwise."

Pulling my boxers off I placed the head of my cock at her opening and pushed slowly until it was all the way inside. Withdrawing just as slow, I wanted to prolong the feeling.

Pushing deeper and faster my cock was pounding into her now as she moaned and gripped the bed sheets. Feeling close to orgasm I slowed down and worked it slightly in and out. Then I pulled out and got on top grabbing the back of her thighs so I could watch my cock glide inside of her.

Again I moved faster until I was close to coming and slowed down to the point where I was barely moving but deep inside.

Slowly guiding it in and out of her I watched as I pushed deep. Her breasts bounced as my pace quickened once again and I told her I was close. Not wanting it to end I again slowed down and let the feeling last.

A few more minutes of this and I could not hold out any longer, pushing as fast and hard as I could I watched her breasts bounce and told her I was about to come. I am not sure why we decide to tell our partners at that moment, but it always seems to be the thing to do.

With one final push I released inside of her. We sat in that position for a little longer until I asked if she was ready and then pulled out of her.

We both got cleaned up and I jumped in the shower, still with plenty of time to get to work.

On the way out the door I told her that I loved her like I do every morning and smiled as the door closed behind me.

Later in the day, I texted her that I had fun this morning and I told her that I loved her again.

A few minutes later the phone buzzed, apparently my daughter read the text that I sent and wanted to know what kind of fun I had with mommy that morning.

A few more years and then I will have to tell her, until then, all we said was that we had a really good conversation.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Sexual Experimentation

As with most couples my first long term loving relationship was also the one that I experimented most sexually in. Although at the time I did not realize how far my sexual appetite would reach, I did my fair share of experimenting with her and we both seemed to grow with experience.

I was a late bloomer, well at least later than most of my friends. In high school I was multifaceted, a jock, a nerd, a stoner. I could hang well with any crowd, although I was somewhat social awkward. Part of the reason is that I am a very emotional and passionate person. I always had trouble with 'falling in love' too easily and was told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, whatever that really means.

At seventeen, I had barely been involved with anyone for longer than a few weeks and even then I did not spend much time in any type of sexual situation, let alone really 'made out' with anyone.

It was at a party one night that I met my soon to be girlfriend and also the one that I did most of my experimenting with. She was also socially awkward, although mainly with the opposite sex. She was beautiful, although throughout a good part of her childhood had the wonderful bad skin that a lot of the teenage population was plagued with. 

She was irish, with the pale skin, dark hair and blue eyes, in addition to the redhead irish look these are my two favorite types. And of course our mutual friends helped set us up that evening. We talked and laughed and when it was time to go to get cigarettes for our mutual friends, she drove and I sat in the front seat.

When our friends went into the store we talked about our lives and became interested in each other.

It was a few weeks later that I found myself in her basement with my hands down her pants feeling her wetness. That was the first pussy I touched and I found myself wanting to taste it, so in that teen age awkwardness we ended up in a 69 position on the couch, barely able to keep from falling off, but there I was licking my first pussy.

We did this for quite some time after that day, she would give me a blow job and I would eat her out, but sex was still out of the question. I don't remember ever coming during those times but I had no idea what I was really doing and she was just as inexperienced. 

When we finally decided to have sex, I rushed off to the pharmacy to purchase the condoms and we tried to think of a place to finally have sex. We decided on my house although the details are vague after 23 years. I remember a blanket by the pool, and decided that would not work. Then going into my house and using the couch. There was one time where I proceeded to call out, 'its in' although that was definitely not the first time we had sex. 

The hard thing for us was the fact that I am fairly large in girth and many women have complained about my size. It may not be the longest but definitely is pretty wide.

After that we pretty much tried every variation we could think of, standing, sitting, her on top, reverse cowgirl, doggy, missionary and what became our favorite, spooning. We were of course two horny teenagers that could not get enough of it, even in the back seat of my honda civic hatchback, which is no small feat since I am 6'2". 

In college we ended up at the same university and continued dating. The first year was tough, although she had a roommate that was never there and ended up dropping out after the first semester and she ended up with a single. There were a few memorable experiences, one of my favorites was when I walked in to her room after classes and she dropped to her knees and took my cock in her mouth as I ran my fingers through her hair.

Our second year in college was where most of the experimentation took place. She had moved off campus and I was living in a fraternity house. All of her roommates were pretty and she had some great parties. A few of which we ended up all naked together. While none of us had sex with anyone else it was still quite a turn on when everyone was walking around naked.

It was one of those nights that I had my tongue in her ass for the first time. I had her on all fours and was spreading her labia and flicking my tongue along her clit. At one point I ran my tongue from her clit all the way to her asshole. She squirmed and moaned quite loudly so I continued. My tongue would play for a minute at her ass as her moaning would get louder and louder. I could tell she was about to come and focused more closely on her clit. She came very loudly and collapsed in a heap on the bed.

That was the initial point where I realized I love playing with her ass. Many times after that we ended up in the same position but I was still uncertain whether I could actually have anal sex with her.

Until one night, when she decided to stay in my room at the fraternity. We had both been drinking a little bit and ended up in my loft. I was fucking her in the spoon position when I pulled out and put my cock on her asshole. Slowly I applied pressure and asked her if this was okay. She replied to just go slow, and so I entered her. I pushed a little bit at a time until it was almost all the way in and relaxed for a minute so she could get used to it. It was of course extremely tight and I wanted to savor every bit of it. So I reached around and stroked her clit while just remaining deep in her ass.

After a little bit I pulled out and pushed back in slowly until she could take more of it. She was still really tight and after a few minutes of going back and forth I decided to just go back to my cock in her pussy, until we both came in a wild frenzy.

We tried many more times after that and while we were never all that successful we still had a lot of fun doing it. At one point we discussed the possibility of really making it work, but it always seemed to be something that we would do in the midst of other things.

We broke up not too long after all of this, mainly due to the fact that I was having fun sexually but emotionally I was not present in the relationship. Although a few years later when we were both single we started the whole friends with benefits relationship and that was a fun time. We even had sex in the gondola at Squaw Valley to emulate the classic Hot Dogs movie of the 80s, and practiced the art of mutual trimming of the pubic region in the Circus Circus hotel in Reno, Nevada. 

Experimentation at that time was a lot of fun. There were times that I wish I could have tried more with her, she seemed as adventurous as I was when it came to sex. She talked about trying to have a threesome at one point but we never were that serious about it. I think that was when I had a dildo in her pussy while she was sucking my cock. She said the sensation was overwhelming.

Unfortunately we grew apart again and like before I was mostly to blame for it. But my experimenting was pretty much lost after her, most of my partners have been fairly vanilla or just not that into sex. There have been times where I have experimented with a girl in the virtual world, basically mutual masturbation on webcam, but that is the furthest I have gone in experimenting with anyone else.

And of course the mutual masturbation was a lot of fun, however there is a lot more desire of other pursuits that I would like to fulfill at some point. Years ago, my wife was willing to experiment to some extent but mostly it was talk and never did we try anything out of the ordinary. Mostly sex in different places but never unusual sex.

I consider myself to be somewhat kinky. I like the imagery of BDSM and would love to practice, but I also know my limits while being in a committed relationship. I would love if my wife would be interested in experimenting but currently sex has been a bit few and far between, so I am left to my own devices.

How do I bring up that I want to be fucked in the ass by her using a strap on when I barely even touch her now? I have put my finger and tongue in her ass in the past but that has always been met by 'What do you think you are doing?'

The desire to play has led me to sites that cater to such things, but as always I do not think I would ever play with anyone without her approval or in the perfect scenario her being with me. To me sexual experimentation is a lot more fun with someone you completely trust. Someone that would not judge you to be weird or have strange ideas about sex. Unfortunately for me I think that ship has sailed. Guess I will always have my fantasies.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Quite Aromatic...

Not typically what I would use to describe the female aroma, but that is exactly what my wife used the other day when she was talking about her period.

We were sitting on the bed talking about our upcoming anniversary, when she started talking about trying to get her depo shot once again. When we first moved out here we talked about having another child and while I am not sure I really do want another child, I went along with what she was thinking at the time.

So she stopped her birth control and we waited for her periods to return to normal. She was on depo-provera for the past year or so and the doctors said it could take months before she returns to normal. During this time we have determined that part of her emotional issues were caused by hormones and that despite wanting to have another child her mental health is more important.

Unfortunately she was still supposed to wait for her next period to get her shot, mainly due to the fact that the depo could cause serious birth defects if given when pregnant.

Also it is not as effective initially and there is a chance that if we had sex during this time she could still get pregnant.

Well there we were sitting on the bed talking about our anniversary, when the subject of her period came up. She explained that she was feeling all the tell tale signs of the cycle, cramps, fatigue, irritability, etc and she thought for sure it would happen last week. But it was the last thing that she said that made us cringe and laugh at the same time.

"Plus," she said, "I am quite aromatic down there." Phew, I thought, that is not something that I really wanted to hear about. Smell can be a sex killer as I can attest to personally.

Although in reality a strong feminine odor is rather intoxicating, however you should never confuse feminine odor with actual body odor which is a whole other subject for a better day.

We both had a good laugh over that one, and now that she is back on the shot, hopefully our sex life will get back on track.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Thinking - A New Path

Since I started this as more of a personal blog to discuss my sexuality and other issues related I have begun to think about the purpose of my writing on this blog.

In the past few weeks and months I have strayed from the original theme and have discussed more of my personal issues and problems which is okay for a few posts here and there but would rather keep Blue Eyed Bader as a blog about sexuality instead of a personal blog that I use to vent from time to time.

Therefore I am thinking of starting a new blog, still anonymous but more of a blog about mental health awareness and the issues I have dealt with in the past. Keep most of my personal problems with mental health on the other blog and focus exclusively on sexuality on this blog.

I would also be using the other blog as a format to help other readers with their issues either dealing with mental health themselves or dealing with a partner with mental health issues.

Hopefully people can use the blog as more of a self help type blog and can actually open it and read it at work or other areas, and that way they will not stumble upon my bare ass in any of the pages. Of course they can always come over to this blog when they want to see that.

Additionally I think that if I do that I can spend more time writing fun things on this blog and keep the more serious issues on the other blog and that way I can post more pictures of me and stories of sexual escapades here.

What say you:? I think it would be nice to do that, of course I would be catering to a slightly different audience then the one here and don't expect you all to be active participants in the other blog, but that way my audience here would not have to read numerous posts about my personal issues and keep this a more fun interactive blog about sex.

Happy Thursday to all, I think I need to keep posting those HNT pictures, maybe this evening. I know I promised last week but things got a little off track.

Monday, July 9, 2012

A Sunday Morning Conversation

If you read the post from last week you would know that I have been a little depressed lately, although things had started to look up. However Friday afternoon I received a text from my wife claiming that she was not doing well again and decided to stay home after lunch.

Apparently she was having another panic attack and decided to take a few attivan to help her feel better. So I called her work and let them know she would not be returning for the day.

It took a lot of energy not to just pack up and leave work early to see if I could do anything to help, but I have learned that sometimes it is best just to let her rest and talk to her later.

Unfortunately for me she had taken quite a bit of attivan and was completely out of it when I got home. No, she did not take enough for me to rush her off to the hospital, I have been there before, but I keep warning her that one day 'not enough' could still be fatal.

She was still somewhat coherent and could move around the apartment, I could just tell she was very relaxed and would not be able to have a serious conversation.

So Saturday I let her sleep in a bit. When she finally got up we decided to go to the arts festival across town. It was an okay day aside from the fact that we had torrential rains and my wife fell in Nordstroms on the way back to the car. 

That night was pretty uneventful. We ate dinner my daughter went to a friends house and my wife went to bed early, pretty much routine on Saturday night.

So Sunday morning when my wife came out to the living room she decided to tell me her feelings.

"I have made a decision," she said. "One that is probably not a good one. I decided that I am not going back to work again."

At the time, I was feeling better, but this hit me hard in the gut. I replied, "Okay." I knew she hated her job but like most people I was hoping that she would try to find a new job while continuing to work. She is not like most people though and I should know this by now.

So we talked about it and then she said, "Also, it is unfair for me to be with you right now, because I feel that I am just bringing you down again." So I asked, "Do you want to separate?" 

She said she was not sure, but did not want me to feel depressed anymore, and she felt that she was the reason for most of my depression.

We have both considered this before, but usually we work things out and move on. If you are a regular reader on this blog you would know some of the things that I have gone through and would see why this would not be a terrible idea.

So we considered it, talked some more, thought about our daughter and how she would feel. While this would probably be a good thing for the both of us, it would be devastating for our daughter. I know that kids are resilient but our daughter already has some emotional issues that we are working through this would completely put her over the edge.

After a pretty long conversation back and forth I told her what I felt. Part of the reason she hates her job is that she is a day care provider for 18 months to 2 year olds, 15 of them. Remember what my daughter was like at that age, I could not imagine 15 of them running around. So I understand her frustration with the job. I just also understand the financial burden and how it would affect the entire family.

We came up with a compromise, essentially an ultimatum for her employer. If she could get in a different class she would stay, otherwise instead of quitting immediately she would put in her two weeks notice and start looking for another job.

With the economy the way that it is I am extremely nervous about her finding a job, but continuing on in this one would probably be much worse in the long run and could either end in hospitalization, divorce, or even death if she takes the wrong combination, whatever that outcome the financial and emotional burden would be far worse than a temporary set back.

The rest of the day went pretty well, with some cleaning and organizing and more talking about today, but it put me back into the funk that I was getting out of on Friday. We decided not to separate and she told me she really did not want to, but was feeling guilty for the way that I have been feeling.

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like without her... if you have read this blog from the beginning you would probably be wondering the same thing. Then I think about what her life would be without me, am I an enabler? Would she be forced to be more independent and get off a lot of the medications she is on? Would she be happy? Would she finally go back to school and do what she really wants?

I am not sure how to answer any of those questions without giving up hope that together we can do all those things and more.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Not a Monumental Occasion

So this is my 100th post and it is not a monumental occasion. I was trying to be witty or funny or informative or anything but what I am about to write about but I just have not been in the mood for anything.

Truth is, I have been depressed. No, not badly where I need professional help, although I do think that maybe a therapist would help. I just have been feeling down lately.

There has been a lot on my mind and things have been a little difficult emotionally recently. Of course the majority of my issues are financial. It was not all unexpected. With the move and the wife not working we knew that at some point things were going to get a little tough and actually we have been doing pretty well for the most part but it has finally caught up with us.

It has only been six weeks since my wife started working again and we were spending quite a bit getting things straightened out with the new place and the new life here in the mountains, so inevitably we knew we would face some sort of financial crunch. I just was not as prepared for it as I wanted to be.

We burned through our savings and now I am looking at trying to rebuild it, but of course this stresses me out. Its a ruthless cycle. The summer is always a tough one for us. Like most families we spend more on everything during the summer, but usually we have a savings for this. This year has been a little harder. So I have declared us over budget and now we have to reel in the difference.

And that is the majority of my depression.

The other part of my depression is my motivation. This is the reason that it has been so long between posts. And it is not only this blog that has been suffering. I have business clients that I design web sites for and I have not been doing any work on the sites in quite a while. I also have another business venture that I have been working on for over a year now and still am quite a bit behind.

The depression causes me to lose motivation, then I get depressed because I have not spent any time on the things that I enjoy doing, like this blog or designing websites.

At least I have been able to enjoy the new location and the mountains, and I know that we will get back on track financially in the coming months. Most importantly I realize my depression and the symptoms and have been working to make myself feel better, living with someone that has severe depression I know what a downward spiral it can be sometimes.

So for this 100th post of my blog, I apologize for not being funny, or witty or informative or even naked, although that may have to come tonight since it is Thursday. I just do not feel much of anything right now but do know that I am on the way up again.

Hope everyone had a happy 4th!