Friday, August 17, 2012

An Update of Sorts

Just over a month ago I was feeling extremely depressed. Things at home were going pretty poorly as my wife seemed to be heading for some major depressive episode, my job was busy but finances were still strained and my daughter was having a hard time adjusting to the new place.

Well, things have changed quite drastically from that point, and mostly for the good.

My wife is now working two jobs although they are both part-time. She seems much happier aside from the occasional stress from working two jobs and my daughter has a good amount of friends that we barely see her during the day.

I spent last week on a job that took me into the heart of the Rockies and I was loving every minute of it. 

So needless to say things are almost back to normal for the most part and my depression is now in check.

Honestly, I think the shift in my wife's medication changed her mood quite a bit for the better and her leaving her last job helped as well.

We had morning sex a few weeks ago as I mentioned in a previous post, but it is still not on a regular basis and all very vanilla.

I find myself staring at my wife at times. She seems to be getting more beautiful as she gets older. I was in my daughters room the other day and saw a picture from when my wife worked for a park in NYC, and thought of how beautiful she looked.

It was a picture of her and her friend from a newspaper article about two blonds from California working at a park in Staten Island. Yes she basically was being interviewed because she was this beautiful blond in a very unlikely place.

There is this newscaster on the local news channel that I think is gorgeous, of course she is 24 with blond hair and blue eyes, recently I have found myself thinking, my wife looked better at 24 then she does, so she will not look any better than my wife does at 39.

If only our intimacy was where I want it to be, our lives would be perfect now.

Of course financially we are still struggling a bit, but that seems to be the norm these days. At least we pretty much have everything that we need right now and that is saying a lot.


I found a notebook of poetry that I had written years ago in an old box after we moved.

Back in high school and college I would carry around this notebook and write what I felt at the time. Some of the poems were interesting to read again, some I could not comprehend why I was even thinking that way.

After reading quite a few of the poems I started to wonder why I don't write poetry anymore. Is it that I do not know what to write about, am I uninspired, am I just too busy.

I used to read a lot of poetry back then... no not the romantic kind, more of the existentialist type, trying to find who I was through the words that I read and subsequently wrote.

I donated some of my poetry books right before I moved recently, some of the ones that I have not opened in years. I probably should have kept them but I did not see myself reading them anytime soon, and they should be enjoyed by someone that would actually read them.

Right before I donated the books, I thought about giving them to my daughter. At some point I hope that she will be reading the same works that I enjoyed. I know she will read the classics, but I do wonder how much emphasis they will have on the great works.

My daughter is heading into the fifth grade next week. A grade that changed my life. It was the fifth grade that I finally was able to overcome my brothers shadow and figure out my path. It was the 5th grade that led me to science and writing and discover the love of reading.

A lot of this was because of the teacher that I had then, not necessarily that it was what was being taught at that grade level. Of course I have high aspirations for my daughter and the fifth grade.

I hope that she will find the same things that I did at that age.

At least I know I will encourage her to do so.