Thursday, November 15, 2012

Dancing

"So how come you are not dancing," I asked her as she leaned against one of the tables in the dark corner of the room.

"Because I am shy," She replied.

"What does that have to do with dancing?" I asked, smiling as I said it. It was funk night at the bar and the dance floor was filled with people bouncing to the beat.

I had noticed her before in front of the ladies room running her fingers through her long blond hair. Something that she did for many years after we met. I finally had the nerve to go up to talk with her and with my friend in tow we both were talking with girls from her party.

We stared at each other for a brief moment before I heard my friend say, "hey do you want to get out of her." They were sisters we found out and lived not too far from where my friend had an apartment. "We can go back to my place and then you guys can share a cab home," he pointed to me and the girls. "Sure," they both nodded in agreement.

Back at my friends the conversation turned from the dance floor to the outdoors. My friend and the girl's sister were directing the conversation as I and my new found interest were just trading glances at each other. "I'm practically married," I heard my friend state, and was not sure why he suddenly felt the need to make that declaration. It had its effect, since shortly after our party was broken up by the sister saying maybe its time to go.

Since my apartment was within walking distance of the sisters apartment I told them I would share a cab with them and head home from there. We called a cab and said our goodbyes to my friend and left the apartment. I sat up front in the cab not sure if there would be anymore to the evening as the sisters talked in the backseat.

When we arrived at the apartment the girl I was interested in said, "You can come upstairs if you want." Of course I did not need much persuading and I found myself sitting in their kitchen a few minutes later with the sister explaining that she was tired and going to bed.

It was my birthday the other day, she said, and proceeded to show my some of her presents, one of which caught my eye. It was a movie on the return of the wolf to Yellowstone.

"You like wolves," I said. "They are my favorite as well."

"Sure," she replied sarcastically thinking that I was just trying to get her in bed.

"No really, I even have a tie with wolf howling at the moon." She laughed at that and the next thing I knew she pushed up against me as I leaned into the counter and kissed me. I leaned back into her kiss and held her close. Our lips parted for a few seconds and I heard her say, "that was nice."

I kissed her again as I realized my feet were slipping on the mat that she had for the sink. She laughed as I straightened it up and we embraced again. The mat slipped again and we laughed together as once again I bent down to fix it. "I need to go to bed," she said and I knew that tonight was not going to be my night, so I asked for her number.

She wrote it down on a ripped piece of paper and led me to the door. I kissed her again and she stood in the doorway for a second and then turned and vanished back into the apartment. Walking down the hill to my apartment, I caught myself smiling and thinking about her standing there. It was only a week later that we went out again and I realized that I was falling in love with her.


***This is the true story of how I met my wife. We have been married for 12 years now and despite all the issues we have I still love her the way I did when I first met her. I still think about that day and see her fixing her hair in front of the ladies room door. She was beautiful back then and still is now.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Recovery

My wife has decided to take the first step towards recovery.

She has been pushing it back for years now and our relationship has suffered because of it. I have been patient because I love her, but it has been difficult to deal with for all these years.

When my wife was a child she was sexual assaulted by one of her mom's boyfriends. This is something that she rarely talks about but has been haunting her for years. Then when she was on vacation in Hawaii she was date raped by a local and her asshole of a boyfriend instead of supporting her was mad that she put herself in that situation.

Needless to say sex has been a problem since we were married. It is interesting to note that before we were married our sex life was wild. We had some great times and there was little that we did not try or enjoy. The problem is not the sex it is the intimacy, the trust.

She has indicated that when she loves someone she no longer feels comfortable with the sex part. I guess in her mind the more she trusts someone the harder it is for her to become intimate. It is logical to think that she feels that if she trusts someone to be intimate with they will betray that trust and hurt her as she has been hurt in the past.

We both know that for us to have a healthy relationship these issues need to be addressed but the how is the hard part. Her therapist suggested intimate touching, without sex. We tried on a few occasions but never followed through with it.

She needs to be comfortable with me touching her without withdrawing herself. When we moved here in March, we had a difficult time finding a good therapist that would not charge us an outstanding price since she has no mental health coverage in her insurance policy. Finally we were able to get some help through the county.

She was not employed at the time and that allowed her to use the county mental health services at a sliding scale. When we looked at the offerings of the department we were amazed to find out all they had. Back in our old state the mental health department was lumped into the same department as the halfway houses for criminals and the criminally insane.

Here they actually have outreach programs and wonderful seminars for all different lifestyles. We have even been considering taking a cooking class at the center. After the new year she will start a new group for people suffering with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) related to a sexual assault.

She has been attending a group for bipolar and was very happy with the outcome. I do not expect a miracle right away, but at least this is the first step to hopefully a much happier life together.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Music Tames the Savage Beast

I watch too much TV. I admit it. It is a problem that I have.

For years I did not even own a TV, let alone have any idea what was actually on. Now, however, it is all that I do when I come home from work.

It helps me unwind. It keeps my mind off the other issues that I have in my life and I get lost in some of the stories that I watch.

Of course there are only a handful of channels and a few programs that I watch all the time, and many others that I will not even remotely come near when they are on.

I pretty much hate all reality TV. All the stupid make me a star programs are redundant and overplayed. In fact I do not watch much network TV at all.

But enough about TV. What I need to do is stop turning it on when I get home.

Recently I have been trying to listen to music while I do other things around the house, like clean or read and that typically puts me in a much better mood than when I watch TV.

It definitely changes the mood of the rest of the evening.

Sometimes I even stream my music at work and that makes the day go incredibly fast.

I cycle through my music depending on how I feel, but some days I just need some of my go to artists.

Today it's Jimi Hendrix. Other days its John Coltrane or Miles Davis... if I really feel like it I listen to some heavy guitar jazz like the Mahavishnu Orchestra, or even some of the Flamingo guitarists like Paco De Lucia.

Of course sometimes a little Grateful Dead will suit my mood. I was once a pretty big deadhead, even following them around a bit. Its not everyday that I feel like listening to them but some days it just takes me back to the times I had with some good friends and good music and I smile.

Maybe tonight when I get home, instead of turning on the TV I will play some music... who knows what mood I will be in so I have no idea which direction I will go... maybe a little Frank Zappa.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

The Conference

She sat a few tables in front of me. I noticed her glance back as she sat down.

Was she looking for me I could not tell, but I could see her eyes search the room briefly.

The lights dimmed in the conference hall and I used the opportunity to get up and slide into the open seat next to her. Her head tilted toward me but it was too dark for her to make out exactly who was taking the seat.

The presenter started up, the video was being introduced.

My hand fumbled underneath the table. There was a large tablecloth that hung down almost clear to the floor making it impossible to see what I was doing.

I felt in the dark until I hit the hem of her skirt. She moved her leg slightly away as if it was an accidental brush.

I moved closer as I touched the top of her bare knee. She did not move this time but I could feel her look toward me. Still she could not make out who was touching her leg now in the darkness of the hall.

Moving my hand up to her thigh I could sense her anticipation as she spread her legs slightly.

My fingers pushed the material of her skirt further up her leg as I got closer to my goal.

The video was in full force now and all the heads were on the screen in front of the hall, and no one was the wiser to what my hand was doing under the table.

Closer I moved my hand up until I felt her inner thigh as she moved her legs further apart. The tips of my fingers brushed her labia since she had taken her panties off long before entering the room.

She let out a soft moan trying to conceal her excitement by biting her lip. Slowly I pushed her lips apart and found her clit. Starting in a circular motion I moved my fingers around her clit feeling her wetness.

Faster, I picked up the pace as I could feel her start to tremble a little.

She was leaning back in her chair now pushing harder on my fingers wanting to cum for me in a room full of people.

My hand was moving faster and faster as my fingers felt her warmth and entered her pussy.

A loud moan escaped her lips and a few heads turned towards her. Still the darkness of the hall and the sound of the video did not allow us to be revealed.

Her body moved against my hand harder and my hand moved faster until I could feel her tremble and withdraw slightly. Her head fell forward and she tensed as she climaxed.

I pulled my hand away just as the speaker was starting to talk again. The lights were turned up slightly has the started to introduce the second video. It was my cue to leave.

Grabbing my bag off the floor I placed the panties that she had given me just moments before entering the hall in her bag next to her chair. I then stood up and walked out of the room. There was no look back but I knew she was smiling.

What a way to start a business meeting.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Inspiration

I have to admit. I have quite a crush on a fellow blogger. I admitted it to her today while chatting with her on my google chat. I owe quite a bit to her and the other bloggers that have followed her over the years but I have also been an avid reader of her blog and admirer of her posts and pictures and everything else.

Her blog has been mentioned on here before but I felt that I should mention her again, because she has inspired me to maintain a constant update of my life on here no matter what I write about.

We also had a discussion regarding posting pictures again. I had this idea a while back but never did post any pictures. Since we no longer have half nekkid Thursday I thought that maybe I would start posting some of the outtakes of those photos. You know the ones that you try to take and the flash goes off too soon, or the angle is not right or you almost knock yourself out trying to take a naked picture of you while doing a handstand.

So to start this and hopefully keep it going after here is my first shot:



Hope you like it.

Thank you Emmy. You truly are a wonderful person.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Reconnecting

Yesterday was a day of reconnecting.

I reconnected with a good friend through google and she asked me how everything was going with my wife. I answered quite honestly that things are good but we are distant.

While I have been pretty distant with this friend and I do not really know her other than online, we do have pretty good connection were able to continue our relationship where we left off.

That, however, is a lot harder to do with my wife.

The funny thing is that I have had some brief connections with my friend over these years but it was like things were back where they were before our lapse in communication. 

With my wife, I have a harder time reconnecting, and we never had a lapse in communication in the literal sense. 

Maybe that comes from living together for so long, that you lose what you found most interesting in this person and your conversations become stagnant. Our communication was never really that great but we did have a lot of common interests and enjoyed each others company.

These past few months I have attempted to rekindle our relationship on many levels and it has been working slowly but surely but there is still a huge gap between my wife and I. Sometimes I have no idea how to bridge the gap and we just go on our daily lives.

Sometimes I think that maybe I can be more romantic or more attentive to her needs but that just seems to backfire more often than not. Or my romance is misconstrued as me trying to have sex with her.

I don't want her to think that I am being romantic purely for my benefit. I want to try to bring our relationship back to the days where we had a lot of fun together and it was not just a task or chore to spend time together.

I would not say that we are in a rut, more so we are just having a hard time reconnecting, getting back to the times when we would not want to be anywhere else but with each other.

These past eight years have been tough on our relationship, tough on a lot of things in our life. Now we are living where we want to be and both seem to be on the right path career wise, so it is time to begin our relationship together again. Unfortunately I am not sure where to start.