Friday, May 16, 2014

To be desired

Over the last few years, I have worked hard to make myself a better person.


I work out quite often.  I read lots of books and magazines.  I spend more time with my daughter and try to give my wife the attention that she deserves.


I have been working harder at my job.  Been trying to save some money for that rainy day and spending more time doing the things that I enjoy.


I would say life is going really well for me right now, and from the outside looking in you would probably say the same thing.

We bought a new car, have been traveling a bit more, and spending more time outside the apartment.


On the inside though I have been depressed and angry lately.


I snap quickly at small things at home.  I get anxious when the apartment is a little out of place.  I snap at my dogs when they do not understand what I am trying to make them do and overall I am a feeling very emotional.


In these times I tend to surf the internet more.  I look for things that I do not normally pursue when I am feeling good.  I think a lot of it comes down to me wanting to feel like I am wanted, desired.  I like compliments because I never receive any at home.


I want someone to say how good I look or how sexy I am or how they feel about me.


I do not need it that often.  I am happy with myself and the things that I do for me.  Every now and then I just want to feel wanted, not just loved, but lusted after.  I want to see the desire in the other person's eyes and feel what they feel.


I have felt it a few times in the past year with people I have met.  Of course it is never the right situation and they do not want to be with a married person.  And I still do not know if I am capable of cheating, but I like when someone looks at me with desire in their eyes.


I read on a blog that someone was complaining of being in a zombie marriage.  That is exactly what it is for me.  I feel that I leave my brains at the office and walk around the apartment not caring about anything anymore.


I am sure things will change again as they always do, but sometimes I wonder what else I can do to break free of this funk.

4 comments:

  1. Have you talked to your wife about this? Or would she not be receptive to that type of discussion?

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    1. I have and she thinks I am just looking for attention. I think part of the problem is that we never really have time to sit and talk about our relationship. I think we may need to do a date night and maybe that would be a better opportunity to revisit this subject.

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  2. The other day I was listening to an interview on the radio. The guest was talking about marriage and how people think "marriage is the ultimate goal". He said that he spoke to a group of women at a bridal fair recently and they were the most pompous group he'd ever spoken to. They thought they had it all figured out because they had "caught" their Mr. Right. He equated marriage to having a baby. A marriage needs to be nurtured and fed and tended to just as closely as a baby. Having failed at two marriages, I thought this made alot of sense. God I hope your wife finds her way, Bader. I have met so many wonderful men just like you who just want a little attention. There is nothing wrong with that. And you should be able to get that attention from your wife. Don't ever think that you shouldn't.

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  3. You look fantastic Jack! One of the sexiest men I've seen... and you're nice. And you share your feelings - a rare thing for a man to do! Such a great combination. Blogger men are the best, and you shine even in that company. Better days are coming for you!

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