Blue Eyed Bader

So I am not sure what I should be thinking about: What is making me so unhappy or What I can do to fix it... I told you earlier that I am stuck in a rut... whether it is the winter months or just being unhappy, I have not been able to reconnect with much of the things that were making me happy earlier. Even the things that made me happy last year have had no impact on my mood this year. I really have no idea what is making me so unhappy, it seems to be a combination of things, things much too numerous to list here which is sad in its own right. This year overall has been good and I have been happy for much of it but even then my relationship with my wife has been failing. She says that we are changing and that neither wants to adapt to the change and maybe that is true, but I think a lot of it falls on where we live and what we have here. We used to live in an area where we would spend most of our time in the outdoors, hiking, biking, skiing, camping,  fishing, etc... now

The holidays are always a rough time for me. Especially the last few years. Last year I lost a very good friend in January and the year before my mom was very sick over the holidays and ultimately passed on in March. But that is only a small part of what really bothers me about the holidays. I thought this year was going to be a better one, because it was the first that I did not have to work a second job. Although we are still struggling financially like almost everyone I know we have been able to keep our budget in check and have made it through without having to rely on extra income. But of course things were the same as always. It starts in November on my birthday and pretty much lasts through January. This year I was extremely busy with other aspects of my life and had a harder time finding peace and quiet for myself. My job was crazy, my computer work was non-stop and my family was pulling me every which way possible. It did not help that we ended up adding three new stray