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Showing posts from 2012

A Red Hot Penis

One thing I learned over the last few days... Never masturbate after making roasted jalapeno peppers.

A few nights ago I decided to make some roasted peppers. I was careful when I made them and made sure that I washed my hands after to get the oil off. Although for some reason I still had some on my hands, even after I washed them off. I was aware of it right when I went to bed, having just touched my eye and felt the heat from the pepper. So I washed again.

 The next morning I was feeling that I needed a little release. It has been a little while since I had sex with my wife, what with all the sickness we have had going around the place. It was also a few days since I gave myself the release that I needed.

 With my wife already off to work and the place quiet and dark I started to masturbate. Within a few minutes I had my orgasm and proceeded to get up and go to wash in the bathroom. Well as soon I as I started to clean myself up I felt the pain. It was not just the simple pain …

Unplanned Absense

I know, I know, I have said it before and you are right I should be consistent with my entries, but this was unplanned. It is not like I do not have anything to write, but as life would have other options for me, I never had a chance.

Lets see, The week of Thanksgiving my wife became incredibly ill, probably the flu, combined with a sinus infection. The antibiotics they gave her did not work, then the ones that replaced the first ones made her sicker and finally a week later she received the right medicine and finally started feeling better.

Only staying in bed for a week and then trying to go back to work, she threw out her back on the first day of starting a new job. So again I was taking care of her. Well that next weekend came and I became ill. Thankfully I was not too bad and just had a minor cold. And finally the next Tuesday, my daughter started complaining that her head and stomach hurt. 103.5 degrees later, she had a full blown illness and with my wife starting a new job…

Dancing

"So how come you are not dancing," I asked her as she leaned against one of the tables in the dark corner of the room.

"Because I am shy," She replied.

"What does that have to do with dancing?" I asked, smiling as I said it. It was funk night at the bar and the dance floor was filled with people bouncing to the beat.

I had noticed her before in front of the ladies room running her fingers through her long blond hair. Something that she did for many years after we met. I finally had the nerve to go up to talk with her and with my friend in tow we both were talking with girls from her party.

We stared at each other for a brief moment before I heard my friend say, "hey do you want to get out of her." They were sisters we found out and lived not too far from where my friend had an apartment. "We can go back to my place and then you guys can share a cab home," he pointed to me and the girls. "Sure," they both nodded in agree…

Recovery

My wife has decided to take the first step towards recovery.

She has been pushing it back for years now and our relationship has suffered because of it. I have been patient because I love her, but it has been difficult to deal with for all these years.

When my wife was a child she was sexual assaulted by one of her mom's boyfriends. This is something that she rarely talks about but has been haunting her for years. Then when she was on vacation in Hawaii she was date raped by a local and her asshole of a boyfriend instead of supporting her was mad that she put herself in that situation.

Needless to say sex has been a problem since we were married. It is interesting to note that before we were married our sex life was wild. We had some great times and there was little that we did not try or enjoy. The problem is not the sex it is the intimacy, the trust.

She has indicated that when she loves someone she no longer feels comfortable with the sex part. I guess in her mind the more s…

Music Tames the Savage Beast

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I watch too much TV. I admit it. It is a problem that I have.

For years I did not even own a TV, let alone have any idea what was actually on. Now, however, it is all that I do when I come home from work.

It helps me unwind. It keeps my mind off the other issues that I have in my life and I get lost in some of the stories that I watch.

Of course there are only a handful of channels and a few programs that I watch all the time, and many others that I will not even remotely come near when they are on.

I pretty much hate all reality TV. All the stupid make me a star programs are redundant and overplayed. In fact I do not watch much network TV at all.

But enough about TV. What I need to do is stop turning it on when I get home.

Recently I have been trying to listen to music while I do other things around the house, like clean or read and that typically puts me in a much better mood than when I watch TV.

It definitely changes the mood of the rest of the evening.

Sometimes I even stream my …

The Conference

She sat a few tables in front of me. I noticed her glance back as she sat down.

Was she looking for me I could not tell, but I could see her eyes search the room briefly.

The lights dimmed in the conference hall and I used the opportunity to get up and slide into the open seat next to her. Her head tilted toward me but it was too dark for her to make out exactly who was taking the seat.

The presenter started up, the video was being introduced.

My hand fumbled underneath the table. There was a large tablecloth that hung down almost clear to the floor making it impossible to see what I was doing.

I felt in the dark until I hit the hem of her skirt. She moved her leg slightly away as if it was an accidental brush.

I moved closer as I touched the top of her bare knee. She did not move this time but I could feel her look toward me. Still she could not make out who was touching her leg now in the darkness of the hall.

Moving my hand up to her thigh I could sense her anticipation as she sprea…

Inspiration

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I have to admit. I have quite a crush on a fellow blogger. I admitted it to her today while chatting with her on my google chat. I owe quite a bit to her and the other bloggers that have followed her over the years but I have also been an avid reader of her blog and admirer of her posts and pictures and everything else.

Her blog has been mentioned on here before but I felt that I should mention her again, because she has inspired me to maintain a constant update of my life on here no matter what I write about.

We also had a discussion regarding posting pictures again. I had this idea a while back but never did post any pictures. Since we no longer have half nekkid Thursday I thought that maybe I would start posting some of the outtakes of those photos. You know the ones that you try to take and the flash goes off too soon, or the angle is not right or you almost knock yourself out trying to take a naked picture of you while doing a handstand.

So to start this and hopefully keep it goi…

Reconnecting

Yesterday was a day of reconnecting.
I reconnected with a good friend through google and she asked me how everything was going with my wife. I answered quite honestly that things are good but we are distant.
While I have been pretty distant with this friend and I do not really know her other than online, we do have pretty good connection were able to continue our relationship where we left off.
That, however, is a lot harder to do with my wife.
The funny thing is that I have had some brief connections with my friend over these years but it was like things were back where they were before our lapse in communication. 
With my wife, I have a harder time reconnecting, and we never had a lapse in communication in the literal sense. 
Maybe that comes from living together for so long, that you lose what you found most interesting in this person and your conversations become stagnant. Our communication was never really that great but we did have a lot of common interests and enjoyed each other…

Complexities of Life

Last night I saw a picture of a friend on Facebook that reminded me of simpler times.
The picture was of my friend tying a fly onto his fishing rod leaning against the back of a pickup truck. The river and mountains of Montana were in the background.
I thought about my life and what has occurred since I was standing there doing the same thing 10 years ago.
Of course much of the change was brought on by the birth of my daughter, and that does change quite a bit. 
There were times that we used to go up into the mountains and camp out over the weekend. Leaving most of the complexities of life back in our suburban house.
We would bring the dogs and the fly rod and sit and watch the fire, telling stories about other times that we had doing the same thing. Even after my daughter was born we would bring the travel play yard and she would sleep in the folding crib inside the tent.
The days would be spent walking around the woods or fishing the river or just hanging by the tents.
When we moved…

A Long September

A few weeks ago I opened up an email from a friend of mine and it quite simply read,

"How ya been? September Sucked."
Of course I was intrigued by this email and wanted to make sure that she was alright, but I was also confronted with the fact that what she had said was completely true in my life too.
Had we both been subjected to so much crap that we deemed the entire month terrible. 
Lets see, on my end, my wife started a new job that basically pushed her paycheck back by six weeks. Which financially we were already strapped for cash since she quit her last job back in July and spent most of August looking for work.
Then the car trouble started. They were minor issues but when you have absolutely no spare cash they quickly become major.
It was around that time that my wife's grandfather had started to become ill, at 90 becoming ill is probably not going to end well and we all knew the inevitable.

What ended up happening was and is still a mystery to us all. Apparently …

Thats Not Appropriate

So my daughter wanted some help with her homework, and I being the only one home was a willing volunteer.

She had to pick out a current event from the newspaper and write about it. She needed a story with the basics, who or what, where, when and how. The article she originally picked was about how one of the victims of the Colorado theater shooting felt about guns. I thought it would be a good article but she said it did not really have all the basics.

At that point we went online to look at some other articles. Now I have been a journalist for a period of my life, hard news mostly and some freelance sports writing so immediately I thought, "why not write about the people that were killed in a bar the other night." Mind you, my daughter is in the fifth grade and I was not thinking about it at the time.

"Dad," she said. "Do you really think that is appropriate for the fifth grade."

Hmm... a story about a robbery gone wrong, 5 murders in a seedy bar and the …

Second bit of Fiction

“Don’t turn on the light,” she cried out as I walked into the room and put my hand on the switch.

My eyes slowly adjusted to the dark as I could see a flicker of a candle near the bed. I just got off of working a late night and wanted to change into something more comfortable, but she had other ideas for me.

“Where are the kids?” I asked.

“With a friend, yes, we are all alone,” she spoke softly now.

I caught a glimpse of her body in the glow of the candlelight but my eyes still could not adjust to the dark. I heard the creak of the bed as she moved to grab my hand and guide me to the edge of the bed.

Her hands were at my belt as they unhooked the buckle and opened my pants dropping them to the floor. I was already aroused although not fully erect. She pulled my cock free from my shorts and ran her lips along the head. I groaned and arched my back a little, my senses were so attuned in the darkness I could almost hear her smile.

Wrapping her mouth around my cock, she slid it fully int…

A Little Bit of Fiction

So until this time I have posted factual stories on this blog, but having a bit of a dry spell with both real life and writing I decided to post some stories that I had submitted to possibly be included in a book of short erotica stories but did not get selected...

So here goes, hope you like it.


Whack, the force of the strike made Jeff cringe. The restraints held as he fell back on them awaiting the next blow. He could feel the wind move slightly as the next crack was felt on his backside.

That one hurt, he thought, much more than was expected. But the prearranged agreement was that anything goes until the word was spoken. He was not going to let her break him and she knew that, but she also knew where the line was ultimately drawn.

The gasps from the crowd were barely heard with the ringing in his ears. She was going to put her mark on him this time, much to his pleasure as his pain.

The leather clad Elise smiled as she swung the paddle once again. Hanging from the cross Jeff could …

An Update of Sorts

Just over a month ago I was feeling extremely depressed. Things at home were going pretty poorly as my wife seemed to be heading for some major depressive episode, my job was busy but finances were still strained and my daughter was having a hard time adjusting to the new place.
Well, things have changed quite drastically from that point, and mostly for the good.
My wife is now working two jobs although they are both part-time. She seems much happier aside from the occasional stress from working two jobs and my daughter has a good amount of friends that we barely see her during the day.
I spent last week on a job that took me into the heart of the Rockies and I was loving every minute of it. 
So needless to say things are almost back to normal for the most part and my depression is now in check.
Honestly, I think the shift in my wife's medication changed her mood quite a bit for the better and her leaving her last job helped as well.
We had morning sex a few weeks ago as I mention…

Poetry

I found a notebook of poetry that I had written years ago in an old box after we moved.

Back in high school and college I would carry around this notebook and write what I felt at the time. Some of the poems were interesting to read again, some I could not comprehend why I was even thinking that way.

After reading quite a few of the poems I started to wonder why I don't write poetry anymore. Is it that I do not know what to write about, am I uninspired, am I just too busy.

I used to read a lot of poetry back then... no not the romantic kind, more of the existentialist type, trying to find who I was through the words that I read and subsequently wrote.

I donated some of my poetry books right before I moved recently, some of the ones that I have not opened in years. I probably should have kept them but I did not see myself reading them anytime soon, and they should be enjoyed by someone that would actually read them.

Right before I donated the books, I thought about giving them to m…

A Morning Surprise

A soft growl woke me as the light began to stream through the shades.

"Sasha," I said, "go back to sleep."

She looked up at me from the edge of the bed and growled again.

"Fuck, it's too early to take you out."

Seeing that the light had just started streaming through the shades I knew it was before six.

Sasha stood up wagged her tail and stretched always looking cute in that way. Of course I dragged my feet out of bed and stood up, still trying to steady myself on sleepy legs.

I pulled my shorts and shirt on and grabbed my sandals as I headed for the door. The dogs sensing that they were going outside started barking and jumping around. I put on their leashes and headed outside.

After a few minutes and the dogs doing their business I was back up the stairs and into the apartment. At that time I was thinking maybe we could have sex this morning, it was still early and I could go back to bed, my wife is not working yet so I thought this would be perfect…

Sexual Experimentation

As with most couples my first long term loving relationship was also the one that I experimented most sexually in. Although at the time I did not realize how far my sexual appetite would reach, I did my fair share of experimenting with her and we both seemed to grow with experience.
I was a late bloomer, well at least later than most of my friends. In high school I was multifaceted, a jock, a nerd, a stoner. I could hang well with any crowd, although I was somewhat social awkward. Part of the reason is that I am a very emotional and passionate person. I always had trouble with 'falling in love' too easily and was told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, whatever that really means.
At seventeen, I had barely been involved with anyone for longer than a few weeks and even then I did not spend much time in any type of sexual situation, let alone really 'made out' with anyone.
It was at a party one night that I met my soon to be girlfriend and also the one that I did most…

Quite Aromatic...

Not typically what I would use to describe the female aroma, but that is exactly what my wife used the other day when she was talking about her period.

We were sitting on the bed talking about our upcoming anniversary, when she started talking about trying to get her depo shot once again. When we first moved out here we talked about having another child and while I am not sure I really do want another child, I went along with what she was thinking at the time.

So she stopped her birth control and we waited for her periods to return to normal. She was on depo-provera for the past year or so and the doctors said it could take months before she returns to normal. During this time we have determined that part of her emotional issues were caused by hormones and that despite wanting to have another child her mental health is more important.

Unfortunately she was still supposed to wait for her next period to get her shot, mainly due to the fact that the depo could cause serious birth defects…

Thinking - A New Path

Since I started this as more of a personal blog to discuss my sexuality and other issues related I have begun to think about the purpose of my writing on this blog.

In the past few weeks and months I have strayed from the original theme and have discussed more of my personal issues and problems which is okay for a few posts here and there but would rather keep Blue Eyed Bader as a blog about sexuality instead of a personal blog that I use to vent from time to time.

Therefore I am thinking of starting a new blog, still anonymous but more of a blog about mental health awareness and the issues I have dealt with in the past. Keep most of my personal problems with mental health on the other blog and focus exclusively on sexuality on this blog.

I would also be using the other blog as a format to help other readers with their issues either dealing with mental health themselves or dealing with a partner with mental health issues.

Hopefully people can use the blog as more of a self help type b…

A Sunday Morning Conversation

If you read the post from last week you would know that I have been a little depressed lately, although things had started to look up. However Friday afternoon I received a text from my wife claiming that she was not doing well again and decided to stay home after lunch.
Apparently she was having another panic attack and decided to take a few attivan to help her feel better. So I called her work and let them know she would not be returning for the day.
It took a lot of energy not to just pack up and leave work early to see if I could do anything to help, but I have learned that sometimes it is best just to let her rest and talk to her later.
Unfortunately for me she had taken quite a bit of attivan and was completely out of it when I got home. No, she did not take enough for me to rush her off to the hospital, I have been there before, but I keep warning her that one day 'not enough' could still be fatal.
She was still somewhat coherent and could move around the apartment, I c…

Not a Monumental Occasion

So this is my 100th post and it is not a monumental occasion. I was trying to be witty or funny or informative or anything but what I am about to write about but I just have not been in the mood for anything.

Truth is, I have been depressed. No, not badly where I need professional help, although I do think that maybe a therapist would help. I just have been feeling down lately.

There has been a lot on my mind and things have been a little difficult emotionally recently. Of course the majority of my issues are financial. It was not all unexpected. With the move and the wife not working we knew that at some point things were going to get a little tough and actually we have been doing pretty well for the most part but it has finally caught up with us.

It has only been six weeks since my wife started working again and we were spending quite a bit getting things straightened out with the new place and the new life here in the mountains, so inevitably we knew we would face some sort of finan…

Politics

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No, I am not going to start writing political statements on my sex friendly blog. I just wanted to post the above picture and ask you, is this really the best picture Fox News could find for a story promoting Romney.
To me he looks like the epitome of a slick politician... if I did not know who this guy was I would not trust a word he says... <-- do not read into this whether I trust him or not. This is just based on the above photo and the smug look on his face.
"I'm Jack Bader and I don't approve this message."


Traveling Again...

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So I have been traveling again. This time somewhere in the midwest. It is tough because it is the holiday weekened but this trip has been pretty good.

Lets see, I owe you all several posts. I promised keeping up with my posts but have been a little behind in some of the posting, sorry about that.

So I will have to make up for it with some other things.

This week I have connected with a fellow blogger through cyberspace and have had some great conversations. It is nice to have someone to talk with while I am sitting in my hotel room watching bad tv.

It gets lonely traveling, although I like the fact that I get out of the office quite a bit now. I was working from home for the six months prior to relocating and starting this new job with the same company.

Anyway, I will post some stories over the next few days while I am traveling and hopefully update you on some things that have happened and stories that I have left unfinished.

In the meantime here is a HNT shot from my hotel.. not a v…

We had a moment.

As I mentioned in a previous post, weekend sex is the only type of sex that I can now have. And the three times I have had sex since I have been back from the field is a record for the past month.

Of course this Sunday after a failed attempt I started wondering if the pattern would once again reveal itself. The pattern of sex maybe once every third month. I did tell her that I was enjoying the new pattern, and could not go back to the sex maybe 5 times a year one, and she agreed but that did not help the situation.

I know this week has been hard and it will continue to be hard with Mother's day coming up and it being the first since my wife's mom passed away last year. She is also still unemployed and has been trying to find a job. So the stress and depression have been a lot for her.

She told me the other night that she was not happy with the way our relationship was going. I was surprised because since we have moved I have been nothing but supportive, caring, loving, giving, …

My New Life in Photos...

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Well I promised you pictures, so here goes...


Lake up in the Mountains...

Same lake different view...

This is what I see from my office window everyday... minus the snow now.

A brief trip during recent field work.

The clouds looked a lot better in person... like giant cotton balls.

This is the view from our apartment window.. a storm coming in.

That is all for now. Hope you enjoy it.

The internet is for porn...

I have come to the realization that internet porn does not really get me off in the same way that it used to. I used to be into some pretty hardcore stuff, but have since changed my attitude towards a lot of it.

I find myself somewhat turned off by the extreme images, and find myself more drawn to the real porn. The not so perfect couples that feature women whose boobs actually bounce when having sex. Mainstream porn has become so ridiculously fake.

My go to site is a cam site. I find that I like to interact with the girls, although I rarely even type anything into the chat window. Because of this realization I spend my time searching some of the adult personal sites to find people to chat with. I still have yet to find anyone that I reach out to, mostly because I feel awkward just starting the conversation with these folks.

I do have one friend that I chat with occasionally but her and I do not have sexual chats anymore. We are great friends and I love talking with her but we talk ab…

When will we...

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/lesbian-scout-leader-ousted-ohio-parents-upset-16221701#.T5mzzatSQlI

This is just outrageous.

A few years ago I saw Bullshit on cable, the one with Penn and Teller... it was an okay show but the one that struck me was the one on the Boy Scouts and their so called "Moral Agenda".

The show focused on the fact that the leaders of the Boy Scouts were leaders in the Mormon church. Now I do not have anything against what religion you belong to, but religion should have no part in the Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts. We are trying to teach our kids to be better leaders, how can they be better leaders if they can not learn tolerance on all levels?

The article states:
The organization said it believes Scouting is not the right place for youngsters to be exposed to issues of sexual orientation. Of course I agree with that statement, but where does it ever say that she exposed the kids to the issues of her sexual orientation.

A few sentences letter it states:

The Next Chapter

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I have begun the next chapter in my life.

I will be writing more...
I will be happier...
Hopefully there will be more sex... at least it has started out that way...
I will post more pictures, maybe not naughty ones, but ones that I take of where I live...
I will share the next chapter of my life with you.

Here are some highlights:


We moved - I touched on this already, but this is a big part of the next chapter, especially since the move has resulted in me being much happier... I never knew how much I really did not like where I lived before until I moved here.We have had sex three times in the past two weeks... I know to many of you this is not a huge amount but considering I have had almost as much sex in the past two weeks as I have had all year last year I am pretty happy... lets hope the trend continues.Our relationship is much better than it was when we were in the south as well as her bipolar depression, this is a major step forward for us. Those are just a few things that we hav…

Intoxicating

I pause briefly, breathing in her scent.

There is nothing more intoxicating than the scent of a beautiful girl that has just walked by. With or without perfume there is something about the scent. In most cases I would rather her not to wear perfume and it just be the smell of her body that I breath in.

The senses are a wonderful thing. As I walk past her my senses fill my soul. First the sight as I see her coming, then the sound as I hear her walking then the smell as she just passes and I fill my nostrils with the air that she moves.

The only thing left is the touch, but that is what makes it even more appealing. I know that I can not touch these women so I try to heighten my other senses to appease my desire to touch.

The encounter is always so brief and the mystery of the woman adds to the desire. I never turn around to look she leaves as quickly as she enters but her scent remains for a second longer as I inhale deeply.

Her scent is intoxicating as I breath it in.

Fantasy or Reality

While traveling on the road I seem to wonder about fulfilling some of my sexual fantasies... however I never seem to go through with any of them.

What are my fantasies you might ask, well here are a few.

I want to be a submissive. Someone that the woman takes total control over and has her way with me... I want her to take me in the ass with a strap on. I want to be commanded to do things and abused.

She would force me to take my clothes off, and stand naked in front of her. Then she would tie my hands behind my back and push me down to her feet. I would lick her feet and up her legs and under her skirt where she would have no panties. She would force my head between her legs and make me lick her pussy. After that she would put on a strap on and make me suck her. I would not be allowed to fuck her. She would then force my head down to the ground and ass in the air. She would reach behind me with a lubed up finger and insert it into my ass. After I was good and lubed she would come beh…

A Month Away

We knew it was coming. A month away for work, less than a week after moving in the new apartment.

She told me she was going to bed and I was planning to take a shower. When I looked out of the curtain and saw her put in her mouth guard I thought there was no sex planned for the night before I depart.

When I climbed into bed she had her back to me, but I still came over and put my arm around her. I spoke quietly to her, apologizing for being so stressed. She said it was okay but I did not want to leave her like that. I began my usual caressing. She does not like me to caress her belly, she thinks it is too fat. I told her that I loved her.

My hands moved up and down her stomach and to her back, slowly, gently touching her. She turned back towards me and I told her that her skin was so soft.

She turned and kissed me. I placed my hand on her breast circling her nipple. She let out a low moan. My hands moved up and down her body edging closer to her pussy. When my hand touched her labia sh…

Been on the Road.

So I know some of you may be wondering where I have been off to.. or at least I hope that some of you wonder.

These past few months have been a blur to me. Things have been great but busy. Busy with a move of sorts. I finally left my life in the south and have moved back to the mountains.

I am happy. The mountains are where I belong and where my family will be happiest.

Changes are good. We started a new chapter. A new story, a new life.

I cant wait to share all the experiences I will hopefully be having this time around.

Happy Valentines Day

Well Happy Valentine's Day...

We had plans but my wife has been sick so we may have to put off the plans.

In about 3 weeks we will be traveling across country from our current home to a new one in the Rocky Mountains. We have lived in the Rockies before but have been living on the east coast for the past 8 years.

I can't say that I am not nervous about the move but it is for the absolute best. I will be working the same job just in a new city, one that I am very happy to be going to. The only downfall is that within the first week of arriving there I will be leaving to work on a project for almost a month.

So my wife will be left in a new location, not knowing anyone, with no job and essentially no husband. I will only be six hours away but that is enough to make it pretty tough for her.

We are looking forward to the move just not being apart so soon after for such a long time. We shall see how it works out.

Anyway, hope everyone enjoy's their day!

15 Years of Parenting

I heard this comment today and it made me laugh.

"After fifteen years of parenting, I think I am pretty good at it."

In most cases this is true. Fifteen years at a given skill you would be an expert. If I was building houses for fifteen years I would be a master carpenter. If I was developing computer programs for fifteen years I would be an expert programmer. If I was in any career for fifteen years I should be pretty good at it.

But parenting is completely different. Of course that is because things evolve as the child gets older. Its funny because looking back the first year is probably the easiest. Oh sure it is an adjustment but its a routine that we all go through. Feed, change diapers, help them nap, repeat.

The next few years are not that hard since its mostly chasing around a toddler and making sure they are safe, the feeding, napping, diaper routine is the same until they are potty trained.

By the time the child is ready for school is when things get more difficult…