My wife has decided to take the first step towards recovery.

She has been pushing it back for years now and our relationship has suffered because of it. I have been patient because I love her, but it has been difficult to deal with for all these years.

When my wife was a child she was sexual assaulted by one of her mom's boyfriends. This is something that she rarely talks about but has been haunting her for years. Then when she was on vacation in Hawaii she was date raped by a local and her asshole of a boyfriend instead of supporting her was mad that she put herself in that situation.

Needless to say sex has been a problem since we were married. It is interesting to note that before we were married our sex life was wild. We had some great times and there was little that we did not try or enjoy. The problem is not the sex it is the intimacy, the trust.

She has indicated that when she loves someone she no longer feels comfortable with the sex part. I guess in her mind the more she trusts someone the harder it is for her to become intimate. It is logical to think that she feels that if she trusts someone to be intimate with they will betray that trust and hurt her as she has been hurt in the past.

We both know that for us to have a healthy relationship these issues need to be addressed but the how is the hard part. Her therapist suggested intimate touching, without sex. We tried on a few occasions but never followed through with it.

She needs to be comfortable with me touching her without withdrawing herself. When we moved here in March, we had a difficult time finding a good therapist that would not charge us an outstanding price since she has no mental health coverage in her insurance policy. Finally we were able to get some help through the county.

She was not employed at the time and that allowed her to use the county mental health services at a sliding scale. When we looked at the offerings of the department we were amazed to find out all they had. Back in our old state the mental health department was lumped into the same department as the halfway houses for criminals and the criminally insane.

Here they actually have outreach programs and wonderful seminars for all different lifestyles. We have even been considering taking a cooking class at the center. After the new year she will start a new group for people suffering with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) related to a sexual assault.

She has been attending a group for bipolar and was very happy with the outcome. I do not expect a miracle right away, but at least this is the first step to hopefully a much happier life together.


  1. Great first step - hope she has the positive outcome that she had with the other group.


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