Divergence

The path we travel in life is rarely point A to point B.  We never follow a straight line from birth to death, more likely we change directions at many points along the way.  Sometimes moving forward sometimes backwards but never in a straight line.

At various points along the way we have to make choices that change the path forward.  We divert from our goals to make plans and set different goals.  It was always a plan of mine to live in California, and while I did for a few years, opportunities and decisions changed my direction and I found myself back in New Jersey.

When I moved back out west I felt again I was destined to stay where I was for the rest of my life and once again plans changed and I found myself in the South.  While I lived for a few months in the south I never thought I would live there for any length of time.  After eight years I found myself back out west and again find myself saying that I am never going to leave this place.

We never know where the path is going to take us and why we change our minds.  Sometimes its for a job, sometimes its for a girl like California to New Jersey, sometimes it is out of necessity, no it is not like I am a wanted criminal in the South, well at least I do not think so.

I turned 40 a few years ago and once again I found myself in the midst of change.  Moving from the south back out west and move dictated by my job, although I was not complaining.

Each leg of the journey has brought a change in my life.  I travel in different groups and find my interests changing a bit here and there.  While I remain the same personality wise, I find my decisions to be based more on how the rest of my life will be affected.  Maybe its that I am growing up finally, settling down.

I am happier than I have ever been with where I live and the job that I do.  I enjoy the people I work with and have met some good people here.  Of course we still struggle to find friends, which I understand is difficult as we grow older.

I am interested in the city I live in and the history of it.  Something I never felt in the south, even though I lived in a city that probably has more history than most others in the entire US.

I find myself wanting to spend more time downtown, taking the train and exploring what it has to offer.

I have volunteered for various organizations and am now on the board of one.  While I do some of these things to further my career, others I do to involve myself in the life of the city.

I told someone the other day that I am now so busy its been crazy, but I am happy.

Sometimes I wonder though if I am putting more effort into my career and ignoring my personal life.

My wife and I have a good relationship but it still suffers quite a bit without the intimacy.  We have not been working on our issues lately, and most of that is holiday related but some is because we are both extremely busy.

I know its hard to balance work and personal life, and I need to find that balance.  I always make the statement though that I have to be happy in my work to stay happy in my personal life.  It's a viscous cycle.

What has happened in the past is I have been unhappy in my work and ended up making changes that affect my personal life which sometimes is not always a good thing.  The move from the west to the south was probably a mistake for my personal life.  Was good for my career, but our relationship suffered quite a bit.

So now that I am happy with work and where I live, it should not be too hard to work on my personal life.  Unfortunately I am not sure what to do.  I tend to ignore the things that I need to focus on and immerse myself in my work, which is maybe what I am doing.

As you can see, around and around I go.

At least the path forward is just that forward.  I am not planning on going backwards anymore.  I look to the future and I see what needs to be done.  I am just not sure how I am going to get there.

Every day I take a new step and ultimately I will reach my goals.  I just know that some of them will come later than I had originally planned, but at least I know they are coming.

This christmas like every other christmas we have been struggling through with finances.  This year though we are doing much better than previous and our outlook for next is better.  I can see things settling down finally and we can focus on the next goal.  Last year we had to dig out of a hole, and while I will still be digging, the hole is much shallower.

Anyway,  Happy Holidays to everyone that still reads my blog!  And thanks for joining me on this journey, I promise not to diverge too much in the future.

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