My Dilemma

I have become somewhat content with the lack of sex situation.  It is almost like I have given up on trying to seduce my wife and grown accustom to the lack of attention.

Part of the problem is that my wife and I have been having trouble sleeping.  I know, I know most people would say that is the perfect opportunity to have sex.  Especially since I know I always sleep better after a bit of fun.

But it is to the point where she goes to bed and wants all the lights and sounds in the room to cease and hopefully she will fall into a deep sleep.  I know it has been affecting her emotionally so I let it go and want her to sleep.

So like any good husband I let her do what she needs to so we can have a happy relationship.  Of course that does not help me with my sex issues and the rest of our relationship but if she is able to function normally during the day and things start to settle down with our sleep issues than maybe sex will be back on the table.

We both consider some of the issue to be her weight.  She has gained quite a bit of weight over the past few years.  Not that she is fat, but I am sure her weight has something to do with her sleep.  While I encourage her to go walking and do other activities her sleep patterns and exhaustion prevent her from doing anything after work and she ends up gaining more weight.

I know that sleep apnea runs in her family and her being overweight it definitely can contribute to the lack of sleep.

While I want to encourage her to work out I also do not want her to hate me for suggesting it.  There are so many issues related to her weight.  She has no self confidence, no energy, does not sleep well and has other health issues.  Her doctor has told her that she needs to lose some weight to remain healthy but it is hard to become motivated.

Believe me, I know self motivation is not easy.

But I feel that if she lost weight she would be healthier, happier, and we would have more sex.  Then our relationship would be better and ultimately we would be sleeping much better.

And here is the dilemma.  How can I help her to motivate her weight loss.  I know that me encouraging her would probably back fire and just flat out telling her would cause her to be angry with me.  She knows her weight is an issue and she knows she has to do something about it but I would rather it come from a friend then from me.

What do my female readers think?


  1. Hmmmm. This can definitely be tricky...potential minefield. Yes, she knows her weight is an issue. Little hints can be annoying--no matter how subtle you think you're being. My suggestion is make it something fun to do together. Take her dancing or offer to take a dance class. Dancing can have that great side benefit too of charging her libido. :). Dancing is great exercise. Buy her an MP3 player and download her favorite songs--that was how I got my start. I lost 80 lbs. Of course some of its crept back on. If you want you can email or IM me: simplicity4500@gmail.

    Good luck to both of you! And I KNOW you know this but...don't buy her any exercise equipment!! Lol.

  2. Bader you and I have gone over this and over this and believe me I feel your pain and especially HER pain as I struggle with the same weight issues. It is so difficult to explain how unsexy you feel when you are carrying the extra weight. I know you want to help her and I know you want to motivate her and I also know she is stuck in a am I. I know for myself if there are delicious healthy alternatives to junk in the house that is helpful. As far as exercise, she has to find something she likes to do that doesn't feel like exercise to her. I like spin class. I'm not great at it but they turn the lights off and the music is good. Do you belong to a gym? If there is a good trainer there that your wife clicks with that will motivate her and once she starts losing weight she will gain confidence and even more motivation. It's hard, I know. Keep at it and as always don't hesitate to contact me if you need a friend.


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