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On Being Desired

What is that we look for in a relationship; passion, romance, good sex, stability, friendships, common interests? Unfortunately it seems the latter is all that we have left after many years with the same person.

We read online how to rekindle the relationship. There are volumes of books on the subject and just as many movies that address it. But how do you really find that passion again.

Recently I was introduced to an online world where people talk about their lives and love and romance and sex. We share pictures and stories of our marriages and sometimes we flirt individual, making arrangements to meet.

Right before I turned 40 I was at a low point in my life, as many of you know reading the blog. My marriage was on the rocks, my life was in turmoil and I was heavier than I had been in years. But I decided to focus on myself and get in shape. I ate right, I worked out, I ran 20+ miles a week.

I also started writing on this blog. I discovered people in similar situations and found that I was not alone in how I felt. But one of the biggest things that I found is that I could still be desired. That when I was showing off my new body and new shape, people would compliment me. I felt good since my wife was always so self conscious that she would get upset when I was searching for a compliment from her.

I am far from insecure, but it feels good to hear those words from someone. "You look hot!" or "Sexy"

The posts that I did on HNT were for many of the same reasons. I wanted to be desired again. To feel good about all the work that I was doing and not just for myself but for someone to admire it.

It seems like such a basic principle. I mean a truly healthy relationship should be one that we compliment each other. I tell my wife she is beautiful and her reply is hardly. But I do it because she is and she should feel good about it. That is how I want to feel. I don't need people to tell me I look good, but it is always nice to hear.

Being desired is an amazing feeling.


  1. Man, I could have written a very similar post. Well said, and my experience was very much like yours. While I'm not exactly blogging right now - I miss it.

    1. Hey Will, good to see you. And you can always start blogging again. Pick up where you left off.. we all take breaks from time to time.


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