Blue Eyed Bader

IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew ...

What is that we look for in a relationship; passion, romance, good sex, stability, friendships, common interests? Unfortunately it seems the latter is all that we have left after many years with the same person. We read online how to rekindle the relationship. There are volumes of books on the subject and just as many movies that address it. But how do you really find that passion again. Recently I was introduced to an online world where people talk about their lives and love and romance and sex. We share pictures and stories of our marriages and sometimes we flirt individual, making arrangements to meet. Right before I turned 40 I was at a low point in my life, as many of you know reading the blog. My marriage was on the rocks, my life was in turmoil and I was heavier than I had been in years. But I decided to focus on myself and get in shape. I ate right, I worked out, I ran 20+ miles a week. I also started writing on this blog. I discovered people in similar situations a...

I don't feel sorry for myself, I don't have any regrets, self-pity or sadness for my decisions, I have what I have and I am happy with it, for the most part. It seems every so often I find myself at my keyboard trying to sift through the haze that has been my life recently and write something poignant. I often fail to come up with anything because I am never really sure where I am going when I start. I write and rewrite the first sentence to the point that what I originally set out to write becomes a faded memory. I should be more consistent with my attempts and maybe then I will write something that resonates with not only me but the people that stumble upon it. We all grow in life and sometimes we lose touch with what truly makes us happy. We are stuck in a job we hate, a relationship that is going nowhere, a city we want no part of and we focus on the negative when there is positive all around us. I often forget how to live. I forget how to laugh and cry and feel my ...

Maybe, it's the color of the sun cut flat And coverin' the crossroads I'm standing at Maybe it's the weather or something like that But mama, you been on my mind I don't mean trouble, please don't put me down, don't get upset I am not pleadin' or sayin', "I can't forget you" I do not walk the floor bowed down an' bent, but yet Mama, you just on my mind Even though my mind is hazy an' my thoughts they might be narrow Where you been don't bother me or bring me down in sorrow It don't even matter, where you're wakin' up tomorrow Mama, you just on my mind When you wake up in the mornin', baby, look inside your mirror You know I won't be next to you, you know I won't be near I'd just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear As someone who has had you on his mind -Bob Dylan One of my favorite Bob Dylan songs. Such an incredible melody and really heartfelt. ...

I feel the intensity within.       A welling of not just anger but pure passion.                 A scream builds,            a guttural noise from down deep in my body,     the warrior's cry. Follow me down this path, wherever it may lead.

The knock on the door, woke her up suddenly from her slumber. She was waiting in anticipation but her nerves caused her to get to the hotel long before the rendezvous was set to take place. Angela prepped for his arrival. She wore the lingerie that she bought the week before. Lingerie that she had hidden from her husband knowing that he would be asking questions if she did not want to wear it for him. Cheating was not something that she ever thought was a possibility until she realized that he did not really love her anymore. It was a marriage of convenience, one that she chose based on the advice of her friends and the fear of remaining alone for the rest of her life. She loved Timothy but was not in love with him, as she told her friends but they never understood. Angela grew up in a Christian family so when she talked of divorce it became a hushed conversation while doing the dishes after a family holiday meal. Michael had shown her how to love again, even though this would be...

Movies and books tend to make you believe that there is one person that you are supposed to be with in this universe. Fate will lead you to them and you will fall in love and your life will be perfect. We read and watch the fairytale endings and wish that at some point we would have that type of life.  If anything it makes us long for the romance and the passion of that life.  I have written recently about passion and emotion and continuing that theme I decided to write about love. I grew up the youngest of four boys. My brother closest in age to me had a personality larger than life. He was in the popular crowd, played all the popular sports and had a disease that everyone felt bad about him. I was jealous of his popularity but content with my life. I lived in his shadows, I was always junior to him, even my nickname became a play on his name followed by junior. When I was a freshman in high school he was a senior and took me to his parties. We ...

I recently met someone that opened my eyes about life again.  She has shown me that I have a long time left in my life that I should not give up on things that I feel passionate about. I lost quite a bit of myself when I lived in South Carolina.  It was a struggle everyday to appear happy and confident.  I was angry and sad and stopped writing and stopped caring.  Even though I know that this relationship may not ever be more than a friendship, I am starting to feel passion again in life.  I see that there are people that can inspire you or be influential.  I see that my current relationship does not have any of that. When I told my wife the other day that I was starting to write again, she told me, I should and that was that. I know it is hard for her to talk about these things.  I used to stay up late with her and read her stories from the books that I was reading, and used to talk to her about life and love and living. Now she is in bed by...

I found out today that one of my old bosses passed away today from liver cancer.  She was I believe 58 years old, way too young to go. She was not just a boss but a mentor, someone that taught me quite a bit about life and working and remaining humble. We all live with tragedy.  We all deal with loss, but it is through this loss that we learn about ourselves. That we can all become better people and hopefully teach what was taught to us during our brief interactions with each other. Each tragedy I reflect on my life and try to figure out how to become better. I would like to look back on my life and hope that I impacted someone's life and they cherish their time spent with me. I want my life experiences to reflect on my actions, to not be a bad person, or treat someone with disrespect or to just not be a positive influence. I have lived through quite a bit of tragedy, as have we all. I am sure we all have stories of people that have touched us over th...

There are a few times in your life where you meet someone and once you get past that initial infatuation with the new experience things really start to click. The conversation starts out flirty then transforms into intrigue and you want to continue talking with this person as long as you can.  There is a feeling of trust and of compassion, maybe it is because they are new and you want to share things with them but you find yourself sharing more than what you are used to.  Intimate details of your life flow from your lips without regard to judgement.  I have always been an open person but there are some details of my life that I may share anonymously on the internet but shy away from face to face. You begin to learn more about this person and everything they say you end up being more enamored. You feel like the boy on the first day of school when he realizes that the classmate he played with the year before has grown several inches and now is the ...