Blue Eyed Bader

A soft growl woke me as the light began to stream through the shades. "Sasha," I said, "go back to sleep." She looked up at me from the edge of the bed and growled again. "Fuck, it's too early to take you out." Seeing that the light had just started streaming through the shades I knew it was before six. Sasha stood up wagged her tail and stretched always looking cute in that way. Of course I dragged my feet out of bed and stood up, still trying to steady myself on sleepy legs. I pulled my shorts and shirt on and grabbed my sandals as I headed for the door. The dogs sensing that they were going outside started barking and jumping around. I put on their leashes and headed outside. After a few minutes and the dogs doing their business I was back up the stairs and into the apartment. At that time I was thinking maybe we could have sex this morning, it was still early and I could go back to bed, my wife is not working yet so I thought this wou...

As with most couples my first long term loving relationship was also the one that I experimented most sexually in. Although at the time I did not realize how far my sexual appetite would reach, I did my fair share of experimenting with her and we both seemed to grow with experience. I was a late bloomer, well at least later than most of my friends. In high school I was multifaceted, a jock, a nerd, a stoner. I could hang well with any crowd, although I was somewhat social awkward. Part of the reason is that I am a very emotional and passionate person. I always had trouble with 'falling in love' too easily and was told that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, whatever that really means. At seventeen, I had barely been involved with anyone for longer than a few weeks and even then I did not spend much time in any type of sexual situation, let alone really 'made out' with anyone. It was at a party one night that I met my soon to be girlfriend and also the one that ...

Not typically what I would use to describe the female aroma, but that is exactly what my wife used the other day when she was talking about her period. We were sitting on the bed talking about our upcoming anniversary, when she started talking about trying to get her depo shot once again. When we first moved out here we talked about having another child and while I am not sure I really do want another child, I went along with what she was thinking at the time. So she stopped her birth control and we waited for her periods to return to normal. She was on depo-provera for the past year or so and the doctors said it could take months before she returns to normal. During this time we have determined that part of her emotional issues were caused by hormones and that despite wanting to have another child her mental health is more important. Unfortunately she was still supposed to wait for her next period to get her shot, mainly due to the fact that the depo could cause serious birth de...

Since I started this as more of a personal blog to discuss my sexuality and other issues related I have begun to think about the purpose of my writing on this blog. In the past few weeks and months I have strayed from the original theme and have discussed more of my personal issues and problems which is okay for a few posts here and there but would rather keep Blue Eyed Bader as a blog about sexuality instead of a personal blog that I use to vent from time to time. Therefore I am thinking of starting a new blog, still anonymous but more of a blog about mental health awareness and the issues I have dealt with in the past. Keep most of my personal problems with mental health on the other blog and focus exclusively on sexuality on this blog. I would also be using the other blog as a format to help other readers with their issues either dealing with mental health themselves or dealing with a partner with mental health issues. Hopefully people can use the blog as more of a self help...

If you read the post from last week you would know that I have been a little depressed lately, although things had started to look up. However Friday afternoon I received a text from my wife claiming that she was not doing well again and decided to stay home after lunch. Apparently she was having another panic attack and decided to take a few attivan to help her feel better. So I called her work and let them know she would not be returning for the day. It took a lot of energy not to just pack up and leave work early to see if I could do anything to help, but I have learned that sometimes it is best just to let her rest and talk to her later. Unfortunately for me she had taken quite a bit of attivan and was completely out of it when I got home. No, she did not take enough for me to rush her off to the hospital, I have been there before, but I keep warning her that one day 'not enough' could still be fatal. She was still somewhat coherent and could move around the ...

So this is my 100th post and it is not a monumental occasion. I was trying to be witty or funny or informative or anything but what I am about to write about but I just have not been in the mood for anything. Truth is, I have been depressed. No, not badly where I need professional help, although I do think that maybe a therapist would help. I just have been feeling down lately. There has been a lot on my mind and things have been a little difficult emotionally recently. Of course the majority of my issues are financial. It was not all unexpected. With the move and the wife not working we knew that at some point things were going to get a little tough and actually we have been doing pretty well for the most part but it has finally caught up with us. It has only been six weeks since my wife started working again and we were spending quite a bit getting things straightened out with the new place and the new life here in the mountains, so inevitably we knew we would face some sort of ...