Blue Eyed Bader

So as always this post has taken me a few days to write.  And the whole point of this post was to talk about the fact that you have to keep writing everyday in order to be a better writer. Guess I need to follow these rules a lot more often. What I originally wanted to say was that I find it very hard to find enough time in the day to write.  I usually have time in the evenings but never feel like writing then.  The mornings are way to hectic and when I am at work I am usually much too busy.  Plus writing a story about sex is probably not a good idea on a work computer. I have often thought about buying a new computer so I can write while I am sitting in my living room.  My last laptop is pretty much unusable and my desktop is in my bedroom which creates problems if my wife wants to go to sleep early. I have not had a need for a laptop for the most part since I usually bring my work computer home on the weekends and use that for everything else.  Bu...

I wonder all the time how I got here.  Trying to figure out the decisions I made over the years that have led me to this exact situation that I find myself in. Watching Supernatural the other day, an older season on Netflix, there was a question of fate.  That whether the decisions that we make during the course of our lives would actually lead to different outcomes.  The character on the show basically said that there was no such thing.  That every decision we make would change the path slightly but the end would always be the same no matter what happened. As a atheist I would think that decisions would always have an impact on life, but sometimes I wonder that no matter what I do or do not do the outcome always seems to be the same.  And it is how you react to this outcome that shapes your life for the future. There are always times where I could have changed the decision that led me here, but would I ultimately find my way to this place regardless of th...

I have become somewhat content with the lack of sex situation.  It is almost like I have given up on trying to seduce my wife and grown accustom to the lack of attention. Part of the problem is that my wife and I have been having trouble sleeping.  I know, I know most people would say that is the perfect opportunity to have sex.  Especially since I know I always sleep better after a bit of fun. But it is to the point where she goes to bed and wants all the lights and sounds in the room to cease and hopefully she will fall into a deep sleep.  I know it has been affecting her emotionally so I let it go and want her to sleep. So like any good husband I let her do what she needs to so we can have a happy relationship.  Of course that does not help me with my sex issues and the rest of our relationship but if she is able to function normally during the day and things start to settle down with our sleep issues than maybe sex will be back on the table. We both ...

I write this post with my inbox open in the background with 69 unread messages.  What this has to do with my post, absolutely nothing, but I thought it was interesting. I actually have quite a bit to write about, unfortunately nothing involves sex or at least my having sex. Spent the last week in New Orleans.  It was my first time to the Big Easy and I have to admit, what an incredible city. Having arrived on a Sunday, I thought that it would be a quite night where I could sit and have dinner and enjoy some of the historic sites.  It started as such, but ended with many glasses of whiskey and me talking to the ladies of a bachelorette party.  That was only the beginning. By Thursday night, a night that I did not spend in a drunken stupor and retired to the hotel early, (1 am), I was shaking and my heart was pounding in my chest from the lack of alcohol. I am glad to be back in my hometown and my liver thanks me too.  Funny thing is that I was there for...

The aftermath of the celebrity hacking scandal is evident on many of the news sites in the comments from the people reading the news. The overwhelming majority of people seem to think that the fault lies with the celebrities for taking naked pictures of themselves and assuming they are safe when they are on their own personal cell phone or in their own personal cloud account. How is that logic even reasonable.  So let's just say that I decide at some point that I am in a loving relationship with someone that I trust and we decide to send each other provocative pictures, or even go so far as take pictures while we are involved in an intimate act.  We have taken these pictures with a mutual trust that they will stay between us and not be shared. With the immediate backup of my phone to the internet those pictures end up on some website that only I know the password to and we can access together later.  If someone steals those pictures off of that site and posts them w...

Sex was going well for a little while.  We were planning on doing it quite often and trying to find times that we would be alone. Twice in the same week, that was a good thing and then she got a UTI.  So of course we had to slow it down again. We talked about other things and even talked about if we did it often enough maybe she would not be prone to the UTI.  She also has staph infections that she gets in the panty area.   Now I don't mind those issues but she does not let me touch her when that happens. So back to the waiting game.  Although we both knew that things would pick back up when things cleared up and I was already patient, what is a few more days. Then something changed.  My mind went from constantly thinking about sex to thinking about it maybe once a day to maybe once every few days to almost nothing at all. I did not realize it at the time, I just figured things were a bit stressed at both work and home and I decided it was not any...

My sex life is extremely vanilla as you have read on here.  More often than not it is non-existence but when we do have sex it is missionary, or me on my side and her on her back.  We occasionally change it up like last week and I put her legs over my shoulders and we fuck hard.  But it is still always vanilla. When talking about it I explain my desires to explore more non-traditional sex.  I want to explore bondage and restraints and would love to get slightly more into pain and withholding pleasure from the other partner. During one of these conversations she told me her dreams. She dreams about being fucked roughly by strangers.  Being held down and taken, not against her will but restrained to where she can not resist. In her dreams she explained that it is never with me, but always someone else.  Someone she has never met before and can not really make out the face. She told me she was embarrassed by it and that I should not take it the wrong ...

The decision had been made a few days prior, it just so happened to work out that our daughter was over a friends house at the time. We sat together on the couch, her legs over mine me caressing her thighs. My thoughts wandered to what was in store for the evening and I thought we should turn off the tv and retire to the bedroom.  She had different thoughts and asked me to brush her hair.  I accepted her proposition and we sat with her at my feet and me brushing her long blond hair. Time seemed to stop right about then.  I stroked her hair and tuned everything else out from the day.  With my daughter off at a friends there were no interruptions.  My cock was already hard and I thought about taking her right there in the living room.  But the moment was perfect and I wanted to wait until we were comfortable in bed. We finished up the show with her next to me and me rubbing her back.  She loves the way that I tickle her skin, slowing moving my ha...

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When I was younger and living in New Jersey we used to put all our money together in the weeks leading up to the 4th of July and buy fireworks from some small shop in New York City. The shop was in Little Italy and you would drive up to it, one person got out and placed the order and they told you to pull your car into the alley and they would load you up and you would be on your way. It was all completely illegal and very strange to actual do the transaction but you would leave with enough explosives, umm I mean fireworks to have your own full show. One of the boxes we would get would be a gross (144) of quarter sticks of dynamite.  Basically as the name implies a quarter of a stick of dynamite.  These packed much more than an m80 or a blockbuster, but in our minds they were still safe enough to hold in your hand and throw out into the backyard of whoever' house you were celebrating at. Every once in a while we would get bigger ones, half sticks or even the profession...

Something I just heard at my office that I thought was pretty funny taken out of context. Damn its so hard to get into this meat, it really should not have to be this hard...  And then it is wet. That was one of the female workers from next office over trying to open her lunch meat container.

The tornado sirens went off this weekend, as they went off we all went outside to see the funnel cloud forming.  There was no danger ultimately but we all wanted to see it first hand.  Probably not the smartest thing but that is what we do sometimes, we like to watch the train wreck as it happens. Anyway, that was real, this is more metaphorical.  My life has been a whirlwind recently. As I probably already mentioned work has been nothing less than stressful.  I barely have enough time to compete the tasks before something else comes up and I have to work on that for a while.  I have not had a break mentally in quite some time. It is not just that either.  Each week a new problem has presented itself.  Something I have never done before or an issue that I have never faced.  None of it is really bad, just unexpected.  This is for my life and my job. I have approached each task in the same manner, thinking it will be over before I kno...

As a person open to different types of relationships and sexual activities I am pretty liberal when it comes to a person's choice for their body. But really what is with all the tattoos and body piercings these days.  Going downtown recently I realized that being the one person without a tattoo or body piercing I was the one who was not normal. I don't mind a few tattoos, in fact I like seeing a girl with nice tats but when your entire arm is covered and some look like prison ink I think that is too much. Sitting by the pool yesterday I saw some tats I really liked and some women that I could not even figure out what they were trying to say with all the ink. I know its a personal choice and I think that you are trying to express yourself but there seems to be a lot of bad ink. Also, tongue piercings, ears, belly button, clitoral, nipples even the eyebrow piercings I can live with, but when you have a hole in your ear or if you have a hoop in your nose I can not sit ...

So my daughter is away on a school trip, leaving us with lots of alone time.  I know that typically during this type of situation my wife seems to create all kinds of barriers between us so that I do not anticipate that being alone with her means I will have sex. Knowing the situation before hand I usually try to tread carefully, although recently my wife went off of her birth control.  I realize that if you have been reading my blog that you would wonder why she even needs birth control since we rarely have sex.  Well it helps to control her emotions.  We realized at some point that if she has her period she becomes more depressed. Anyway, she recently switched doctors and the new doc has not done anything about her birth control yet so she waited too long to receive her shot and now has to wait even longer so she can get a period. Well that being said we have been discussing the birth control issue and along with that the sex. So when my daughter left for...

I sent a picture to a lady friend a few months back and when going through my old email with her I found the picture. Of course it was a picture of me lying in bed with my hand on my cock.  It is not a very flattering picture since I was not fully erect so it does not show my full size. Not that I am that big anyone, I have a somewhat average size penis in length and am a bit thicker than average. I was thinking of posting it anonymously on a site that shows cocks, but was unsure of what type of response I would receive.  Not that I am self conscious about it but I have heard some of my fellow bloggers talk about cock pics they receive from time to time and they are amazed at how big some of them are. Of course the opposite is true as well.  I have an addiction to amateur porn, and I can safely say that I am bigger than most of the guys that I see on those sites.  There are sometimes exceptions to that rule and those videos are interesting to say the least, b...

Over the last few years, I have worked hard to make myself a better person. I work out quite often.  I read lots of books and magazines.  I spend more time with my daughter and try to give my wife the attention that she deserves. I have been working harder at my job.  Been trying to save some money for that rainy day and spending more time doing the things that I enjoy. I would say life is going really well for me right now, and from the outside looking in you would probably say the same thing. We bought a new car, have been traveling a bit more, and spending more time outside the apartment. On the inside though I have been depressed and angry lately. I snap quickly at small things at home.  I get anxious when the apartment is a little out of place.  I snap at my dogs when they do not understand what I am trying to make them do and overall I am a feeling very emotional. In these times I tend to surf the internet more.  I look for things that I ...

I typically take the back way to work.  One that takes me past the open space that begins in the foothills.  It is a beautiful drive without much traffic at all. One part of the drive takes me past the parking lot that leads to the hiking trails along the side of the hills.  It is a fairly well used area and usually has quite a few cars parked there.  Although in the morning there are only a few. This morning I thought about an arrangement to meet there.  Maybe the beginning of a relationship, a rendezvous spot.  The lovers could drive their respective cars on the way to work in the morning and pull up along side. One would get out and enter the others and they would play. I wondered how many times that has happened at this particular area.  It is not all that remote but enough that you would not be noticed.  You would have to leave the parking lot in order to have real fun, but there are so many choices from there that it would be eas...

I did not see the episode of Louie that a lot of people have been talking about lately but I have heard a lot about it. It was the one where Louie is asked out by a larger girl and she has a speech about why people do not date fat girls. Here is an excerpt from the speech if you have not seen the episode: Tell anyone how bad it sucks because it’s too much for people. I mean, you? You can talk into the microphone and say you can’t get a date, you’re overweight. And it’s adorable. But if I say it, they call the suicide hotline on me. I mean, can I just say it? I’m fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it? It sucks. It really sucks. And I’m going to go ahead and say it. It’s your fault. Look – I really like you. You’re truly a good guy, I think — so, sorry. I’m picking you. On behalf of all the fat girls, I’m making you represent all the guys. Why do you hate us so much? What is it about the basics of human happiness – you know, feeling attractive, feeling ...

It has been a while since I have had sex.  And I know I have alluded to it before but for some reason when I go a bit without release I tend to watch quite a bit of porn and sometimes stray to the gay side of things. For some reason I like to watch anal penetration, the videos I seem to focus on are the ones that show the cock sliding in the ass and hopefully see the expression on the guys face.  I only watch the amateur videos, the more professional one's do nothing for me. I also get turned on hearing stories of first time with another man.  My release is usually a lot larger when I am reading these types of stories or viewing these types of videos. I have often thought about trying it out.  I think that I could possibly be bisexual or at least curious but I have never had the nerve to do it. I also like to watch some of the pegging videos, especially where the women is fucking the man missionary and you can see the pain and pleasure in the guys face. ...

The other night I woke up at 3 AM.  It was quiet in our house but I could not sleep anymore.  I had to leave for work at 5:30 so I think that I woke up in anticipation of having to get up so early. At 3 AM there is not much to do, especially since I canceled cable the other day in a fit of rage against my cable company. Most nights at this hour I would sneak out to the couch and watch internet porn until I fall back asleep, with no internet, no television and no porn, (sort of), I was out of luck.  I sat and stared at the ceiling in my bedroom and thought about my life. My life has been going reasonably well these past few months.  My relationship with my wife while always strained is much less strained at this point and we seem to get along.  My daughter seems to be doing well although she has that only child attitude. The wife found a new job that is going to help her pay for her education, at least for the class she needs to complete a child care dire...

I feel like I am being selfish. We received our tax returns for this year already and while they were not that great it still gives us a nice little bit of cash to spend on ourselves. My idea is not a fun one, I plan on putting most of it into our savings account so we build up our emergency fund.  I stress about money a lot and I know I would relax quite a bit if I had some extra cash in our fund. My wife has a different idea.  Since she has gained a bit of weight her wedding ring does not fit anymore.  So she was talking about getting it redone. The problem is that it is not cheap to do.  It would take a portion of our tax return and while I would still be able to put money into our emergency fund it would give us nothing extra for anything else that would be fun. Of course I think I made her mad because I mentioned that I wanted to spend the money on us and put most of it into our savings, but she sad she really wants to get this done. She has not been...

Work has been overwhelming recently leaving me no time to do things that I enjoy. But I feel that I still need to post here from time to time just so some of you know that I am still alive and kicking. So here is an update of sorts: Work is busy, they are consolidating our office and we still wondering if we will have jobs in six months. Home life is stressful.  My wife was injured in our apartment complex and has trouble walking.  At first I was very good about helping her, but I think she is milking it a bit too much now.  I know it hurts but she still needs to try to get around on her own and not rely on me so much. We have not had sex in quite some time. I think I posted it on here the last time we did so if you care to look you will know the exact date... in any event I can not remember it so it must be a while. Valentines is coming and I know it will be stressful for her because she feels that she should have sex with me but does not want to. I may be tr...