I was riding my motorcycle to work this morning, stuck in the all too familiar back to school traffic that now inhabits our streets and thinking about what to write about.
Most of my thinking is done on the 30 minute commute from my home to my work since I do not have a radio on my bike and did not like having earbuds in while trying to avoid the drivers that for some reason want to run me off the road. Despite the daily near-hits it is meditative to ride my motorcycle without music. I tend to get a lot of thinking done and it usually makes me feel so much better when I finally arrive at work or home, (most of the time home since no one really likes arriving to work.)
So today I thought when was the last good day I had with my wife...
There are glimmers of greatness in our relationship but they fade quickly. Our 5th wedding anniversary was an incredible night, we went all out with the pre-dinner drinks on the roof of one of the local restaurants over looking the harbor, dinner at a very expensive downtown seafood restaurant and dessert at a specialty coffee shop, we even had a baby-sitter something extremely rare for us. But the night ended in a fight when I tried to caress her thigh in the car on the way home.
She looked over at me, after one of the best dates we have had in the last 10 years and said dont expect sex... I mean really? It was our fifth wedding anniversary, if anything I would think we would have sex on that particular night. Nope, no sex on the big days, it is too stressful for her... no valentines day sex, no new years sex, no anniversary sex, no birthday sex... its the random leap day falling on a new moon during a cold spell and a west wind sex that we have.
Not that I really expected much else, I just thought that after something as special as the night we had we would end it on a really good note... but like always we end it feeling angry and I feeling defeated.
Our tenth anniversary was a complete non-event... not because we did not want to do something, it has just been so difficult to take care of the simple things that allow us a night to ourselves with enough money to go out to eat. We still plan on celebrating and will when we can get a sitter, but it has already been a month and we have not planned anything yet.
Even a few years back what I thought was a great weekend we had was just because she had finished off her bottle of Xanax and does not even remember the sex that we had. I should have known something was up when she seemed a little too horny, but I did not notice anything until she started slurring her words and I began to ask her some questions.
We have had small breakthroughs, late night swimming at the pool concluded with sex in the daughters bed while she slept all alone in our big bed... And it was great sex, the best that I have had in the last few years with her... probably the inhibition that the alcohol caused but needless to say it was a great time. Not just our normal get her to climax and then finish with a good missionary style that lasts maybe five minutes (I dont mind those either) but we had a good hours worth of hot heavy sex.
My favorite thing has always been giving oral sex, and she seems to enjoy it when I do but its been a long time since I went down on her...
I should note that I do not judge the last good day with one that ends with sex, but it does help define a good day for our relationship. I would also consider a good day one where we fall asleep in each others arms, or one that does not end in a fight. We dont fight all that often but it is also a rarity that we fall asleep in each others arms.
So when was the last good day... Probably before we moved here.. and even then I can not remember. I know we have had many, but they are few and far between.