Somedays

I used to be a romantic, of course there was that one time that I ran over the box of chocolates that my gf put on my car, but I swear that I did not know they were there.

I bought flowers just because rather than for an occasion. I was more of the guy that would bring one red rose, not because I could not afford more, but rather I always thought that it meant more because I would do it just because I felt like it. I would always get cards and go for walks and do things that I found chivalrous like open doors, offer her my jacket, offer my arm when walking, etc. I even asked my wife's father for her hand in marriage before I even came close to proposing to her... of course he wanted to shoot me in the foot but that is another story.

These days though my life has become so complicated and our relationship is so strange that I find it hard to be romantic. Somedays I try to think of things to do to make us closer, but it always becomes a fiasco and maybe that is what life is now. Our tenth anniversary passed by without so much as a dinner date.. I had planned to buy a photo album that my child was going to decorate with pieces of tin and we were going to put ten years of photos into it but that never happened and so we still have yet to celebrate.

Now if I do something that she finds romantic she thinks its just a ploy to have sex... not that I wouldn't want to have sex but that is never my intention when I do it, so now I tend to avoid it for fear that it is going to cause those feelings and make her feel more depressed.

I tried to do some fun things last year with her, flower peddles on the bed that my child helped spread out, some notes left around the house telling her I love her that sort of thing but it seems that they are so few and far between that the meaning is lost shortly after.

She does send me things that remind her of hearts from time to time, that is the extent of her telling me that she loves me...

But somedays I wish we had more.